FORBES is next! I made the Ynaija New Establishment List

Quddus King, Benita Nnachortam, Jekein Lato-Unah, Mary Edoro: Here is the Y!/YNaija 2019 New Establishment List

Look what I found! I was on my own working this afternoon when I saw the picture above posted on a group I belong to. My first question was “how come?”, “how did I get here?”, “who knows me?”. Really, I was surprised, like WOW! HOW?!

This I don’t know and can’t tell but what I know is… Oluwa wa looju ise and FORBES is Next! Thanks to my colleagues and friends for opportunity to serve, to Dr. Ojo Roland and every other soul that believes in me for recognition.

Glory to God…

Oluwakemisola A. (23/02/2019)

7 best reads of 2018!

So my 2018 story will not be complete without my leading articles of the year.

Follow the link below, read, enjoy, comment and share…

HIV/AIDS: An ever present scourge and reemerging public health concern, By Kemisola Agoyi

Dear Aunty Chimamanda… By Kemisola Agoyi

THE FACADE OF COMMON SENSE by Agoyi Kemisola

The Story… No health without mental health by Agoyi Kemisola

PRESS ICON: AGOYI, MARY OLUWAKEMISOLA

“What I do deals with internationalization, entrepreneurship and strategic planning…” – DVC DS UNILAG

We coordinate the activities of scholarships in the University… We want responsible student leaders – DD2, DSA UNILAG

2018: MY YEAR OF LOSS(es) AND GAIN(s)

LMAO. You thought I won’t recount my year, abi? LOL. Devil is a liar; my God is the winner! So, here goes… Many waters have passed under the bridge but here we are – standing firm. First, I’ll want to appreciate God Almighty; the giver of life, might and everything good.

My last year started with me resuming into my last clinical rotation as a medical student, with so many anticipation and because I wanted to be a “better student”, I let go a lot of extracurricular activities but held on to The Press Club as I resumed as the president of the organization. And trust me, it was a new height; I maximized the opportunity, did a lot of interviews and visitation.

By the time it was February, final exams was drawing nearer and becoming more real… this is the time you know your real friends and those who want good for you. Before I could blink, March was here (well, I still planned and attended about 2 of my MFMYC sisters’ – Sister Marian and Sister Sarah – weddings, as a welfare leader shaa and as per mahn cannor come and go and die) and April came along. The almighty professional exams finished April 28th, 2018. Result came out April 31st, I can never forget the feeling… I was in Korede’s room, I passed the first and third to be released (Paediatrics and Obgyn), failed the second and fourth (Medicine and surgery). LOL, I know right… that was like failing MBBS, LMAO. It was a surreal feeling, first because that was the first time in my 6 years of medical school I would be failing an exam or having to resit one. Shit happens…

Well, I sat back, relaxed… a lot happened… I sought for tears at some point and could not find; it was painful. I was angry, angry at myself and even GOD (I mean, who gets angry at God? … well, I did). Eventually, I decided to go and check what went wrong. I went to the department of medicine first, only to find out I was 1.5 marks away from the pass mark (overall I scored 48.5 and 50 was the pass mark. LOL). When the HOD was telling me… in his exact words, “what happened? you were one of the few that passed MCQ well – I got well above 100 over 200, your OSCE was good – I got 230 something over 300, sincerely, I never knew I was that brilliant – but your essay was low – yeah, I got 60 over 200…”.

I was just laughing, I couldn’t think, so I left. Later, when I was telling a friend, she was like it’s not adding up Kemi. How would you get as low as 60/200 in essay, when it’s not that you didn’t write anything… but it was too late to cry over spilled milk. After this, I didn’t bother to go and check my surgery scores (before I would see 49 as my overall score). So, I resorted to “what has happened as happened… moving on, affliction would not raise the second time”, so I manned the f**k up and grabbed resit by the horns!

In all of this, my month of May was a mirage (it just breezed by… don’t let me call it a waste), because I took a lot of breaks – break from life, break from God, break from friends (even though I was with them physically) – I was in a world of my own. It was truly “May”, ‘cause I felt Mayhem and it was a “may” feeling. My fight with God went on for weeks but I had good holding friends who became pastors to me (Stephanie Ugbor and Awosika Oluwakorede: God bless you for me) reminding me of the Grace of God through turbulence with His mercy and love that endureth forever over me regardless.

The battle was tough but God was faithful and saw me through it all. In this, I made wonderful friends turn sisters (Mary and Pelumi – 3 of us with peculiar similar stories). We studied together, slept together, prayed together, went for tutorials together, learnt together, ate together, held each other up and scaled through it all together. Truly, your turbulent hours in life gives you the best of friends and helpers – this friendship I’ll cherish forever.

Still I kept going out, attended programs, had fun, made friends… I even went out of Lagos at some point. I needed to relax and let a lot of steam out of me before coming back to LUTH and sitting down for resit; to avoid the depression that was hovering around in that compound. I didn’t let that dampen my spirit too bad – although spiritually it did initially, I won’t deny it, but over time… I realized the ways of God are not our own and His thoughts are not ours. So, I let go and let God.

In July, Resit came, it was like a flash but I survived… I passed, we passed. I cannot forget that day; my resit ended on the induction day of my classmates that had passed at first sitting. I was happy for them but it was with mixed feelings – fear of the unknown mostly. That same day, I went home with a heavy heart of the different possibilities that could turn out. On Friday, results were out and I cried – no, I wept or rather, I sobbed – when I saw my surgery result in particular and I had passed. I wept not for sorrow but for the process, for the uncertainties, for the events that had taken place in the exam hall, for the dreams, for the hopes, the prayers answered and the relief… I ran and wept uncontrollably for minutes for the first time in a long time because sincerely, at some point I had lost all hopes.

Sigh, August came. My birth month… after the hurdle of resit had been crossed, I began to revive the other parts of my life that had laid fallow. Safer hands (SHI) was back up and running, volunteering was on my list again, also I had the 6th Ngozi Agbo memorial media lecture, essay competition and debate to organize and prepare for among many other things. August 7 – my birthday – was the saddest day of my life. Why? you would ask. Sincerely, I do not know. But I was morbidly sad, asides that I didn’t have an internet enabled phone, I actually switched off my small phone so I would not be reachable and I left my base in LUTH and didn’t return that day.

I was so sad it was palpable, you could see it on my face and tell it from my voice through phone conversations. You know, at that point I might not have all I wanted to be grateful for but I had quite a number of things to be happy about, but I wasn’t. My friend Nyero (Yeah, I ran away to her place) tried to cheer me up but to no avail… at some point she was almost frustrated at my state because I’m always the happy and positive one cheering people on and she said, “are you the first 2X-year-old to not have all they wanted and not be where they plan to be? Get a grip of yourself!… share your troubles, don’t always try or want to be there for everybody and not want or allow others to be there for you… it’s not right”. I reflected on this.

And earlier at Wazobia FM that day, I had met an angelic Doctor who thought me a trick to letting stress go. My birthday last year actually started rather on a not-good-mode and ended that way with a lot of could be’s, anger and regrets. September, October was me trying to catch up on all I had lost since the beginning of the year… I engaged in more activities; NGOs, associations and so on… even made a new feat for some. I became intentional about forging ahead, building great relationships, connections and having great mentors. I began to plan and write about my new year – I actually read books…

November was one of my busiest, outgoing and happiest month. I met great people – Omobabirin Adeola; Author of Building great relationships is one – and got involved in new jobs that put me in a new light. I went from “zero” or even “minus” level to a higher level with God (maybe not level 100 yet but on my way). I served with my time, body and resources. I ensure that I impacted hope and something positive in all the lives I came across. And it was a party month, as it was Prof. F.T.O. and Gee’s birthday! My Ride or Die nigga that took me on a get-away to a beach house… it was lit! Courtesy, Gboneme aka Sandra Gee.

December was a month of visitation and catching up; with old friends, SHI Crew, new friends, mentors, family, service, life in general and so on, even though I didn’t feel Christmas or the end of the year, LOL. Some organizations I was able to train at and work with in 2018 include Value Female Network (VFN), Nigerian Urban Reproductive Health Initiative (NURHI 2), Hacey Health Initiative, Crystal Clear with Omobabirin, OVL foundation Ng, Agile P3, MARKET Doctor, MWAN…

Lessons learnt in 2018:
1. Sometimes in life, we need a break or a stop when we are going too fast with the pace of life. God has a check and balance system, a cautionary measure that is put in place which tends to slow us down so we don’t run past the set “speed limit” and become a casualty. In this process of “slowing down”- Hold on to God, lean not on your own understanding and trust the process.
2. This is me looking back now and talking from a retrospective point of view… in every situation, sit down, be humble, calm down and learn something.
3. Life will never happen the way we plan it for most of us, but when you see things going well for others… be happy and rejoice with them because it would be your turn soon.
4. Do not take dreams lightly. They are for warnings, signs and prophesies. Whatever manifests in the physical was a done deal in the spiritual, always keep that in mind.
5. In all cases, give thanks. When you are down, encourage people around you. Continuously be a source of inspiration and hope to everyone around you even when in turmoil.
6. Never be slow or unintentional about applying for things or following up, because according to a very senior colleague and mentor, “it is better to put it all out there when you are not ready, than wait till when you are ready and nothing is forthcoming or its too late”. I pray the spirit interprets this to you and give you the applicable understanding.
7. Don’t underlook or overlook anyone, you will never know who will recommend you for a great position.
8. Harness the power of mentorship always and have a 5 to 10 year life plan, it helps; career wise, marriage wise, financial wise, in all ramification of life and discuss these plans with relevant people that have been down that road.
9. What is yours will not pass you by… if it’s truly yours, it will come back to you but if it’s not yours, no matter how much you try in your power to keep it, it will always go away (Human or material thing, this was my phone story in 2018). There is mighty power in the tongue – beware of what you say and pronounce upon yourself and others.
10. PRAYER ANSWERS. NOT POWER (Adura ni’gba, agbara ko… Ma wo asiko alasiko tabi aago alaago sise. Oluwa lo la’siko eda ati igba). Do not work with the time set of others, Gods time is the best because He has and owns the time set of every being.

In summary, my 2018 was a year of so many battles – where I lost a lot and also gained a lot. It was a year of my rough FAILURE STORY TO SUCCESS. A year that determined a lot and took much from me. But in all, I am thankful that I made it through, I mean, WE made it through…

I am thankful for syncytium – classmates and friends turned family, for friends turned strangers, for strangers turned friends, for senior colleagues turned mentors, for junior colleagues turned mentees, for ideas that came to life, for dreams that came to pass, for people who believed in us at our lowest and for friends and family who remained through it all.

God bless you as we all have a fulfilling 2019, let’s keep living in the presence of Jehovah.

PS: If you didn’t see your name or face in this post. PLEASE FORGIVE ME. Time, space, loss of phone(s) and plenty data (unprocessed information and pictures) will not let me. I promise to be better in the coming years.

OLUWAKEMISOLA A. (MB;BS Lagos)
A MEDICAL DOCTOR, CHRISTIAN, FEMINIST, SRHR EXPERT AND ADVOCATE, WRITER, CAMPAIGNER AND STORYTELLER…

WHAT IF?

I was 14. I was budding and naïve. I was caught in “the” act with my older boyfriend, he had me without my consent. I mean, I had no information, no access whatsoever; as SRHR services are only rendered to youths above 18 in my country. Even at that, there are still older teenagers who fell victim of unwanted pregnancy like I did. Yes, that was what I meant by “caught”. I got pregnant, not only pregnant but pregnant with a sex tape circulating on the internet.

My country’s laws doesn’t make things better either. As abortion is illegal in our constitution and damned as a grievous sin on religious and social grounds. If it was heard or spoken of, you are forever condemned as a child of doom who belonged to the devil and hell alone, as if they were God to determine my end.

It was bad enough that my boyfriend was the first to violate my rights to choice, but just because I wasn’t like every other girl my age, I mean – mental disability – not so glaring to the world, was my next fall… so, whilst I was down flat, an older uncle took advantage of my inability and weakness. And because, I was different and continually sank into more depression … pregnancy wasn’t the first diagnosis to cross minds. I mean, just a little fever that recedes, weight gain that could be attributed to eating more and mood swings that was always there wouldn’t have pointed them to pregnancy, first.

I was 5 months gone – even I didn’t know – before it became glaring and all hell went loose. Daughter of the world as dumb and young as you are, who did you give your body to???… screams, blames, questions thrown at me, here and there… Little did they know that more was in store. Because I tried to redeem myself and get rid of the “growth in my tummy”; I consulted a friend that consulted another friend, who did another – we took the “oath of secrecy” and I ended up on the table of a quack Doctor.

Before I could blink I passed out and all I woke up to was panics and fear-gripped-faces around me. Then I felt the pain – so sharp, it cut through me. No one said anything to me, I was just hurried to get up and get going. I limped as I moved, couldn’t really remember how I got home because I passed out again. And when I woke up, I was bleeding… days went by with more darts of curse words and angered looks coming my way. I bled so much, I passed out they thought I was dead and that was the last straw that broke the camel’s back.

I was thrown out. I mean, no one wants a burden – financial, healthwise or social – likewise, who wants to house or care for a bleeding baby and her wounded baby? Oh, I forgot to mention, I had no parent. Yes, it became so normal and a part of life for me that having no mother or father was no news. It was an everyday life… I wonder how I survived through this all.

With the little education and tiny exposure I had, I made my way to a nearest health care centre… they couldn’t help so much as no specific funds covered teenagers and adolescent reproductive health in my country. But I was taken care of, granted an audience and internet was surfed on my behalf. Later, it was established that the attempted abortion was unsuccessful, it was a miracle I was alive and the baby in me was still in good shape – guess life had it funny for me. Eventually, they found me a home. I was there till I put to bed, but really the home could only accommodate one of us, either me or the baby.

So I gave my baby a home and took to the streets. I found no solace in the society, none in religious houses. Since it was “giving my body” that brought me this predicament, I could as well “give the body” in exchange for money. But the street life was hardship personified; sex work was war, sex workers had no friends, families or defenders. It was a lone cold world that tore every part of me remaining that violation, bullying, disability and labour did not tear – irony.

Sigh, such sad story. Eventually, I adapted to the life but on a fateful day on the street – at a sporting event, I met with a non-governmental organization that caters for the marginalized. These included teenage mothers, sex workers, disabled, orphan and homeless (funny how I was a roaming specimen seeking to be found) and I approached them. The NGO helps these set of marginalized population get a hold on life and set their foot in the economical world and they had organized that sporting event to bring together youths, all and sundry. They teach set skills, educate and empower.

I am 16. Sitting at the window watching my one-year-old son play with another girl child on the floor… so many thoughts flipping through my mind… things that had been and things that could have been. What if I had all the information and access to the SRHR services in my country? What if my country’s law and constitution, social and religious background supported abortion and I didn’t up with a quack? What if I had better parenting? What if the government invested and payed more attention to adolescent and teenage health? What if I had a better education and exposure? What if there was no technology to find me (and my son) a home or diagnose me? What if Sex work wasn’t as derogatory or unfavourable as it is – not to be hypocritical, we all have SEX, don’t we? What if there was no NGO that caters for my type? What if sport – as an avenue for awareness across all youths, regardless – was neglected?… so many ‘what if’s.

This is some people’s reality. Think about it, what if for every phase I passed through there is another girl out there who wasn’t so lucky and got stuck in one of the phases or lost her life in the process?… how many girls would we loose daily then?

Now back to the present, I have grown and learnt a lot in the past one year. I have gotten better and now I have enough power (as information equates power), chance and choice to decide and pick a better life and fight for me, my one-year-old son and his one-year-old “girl friend” playing right in front of me to avoid more ‘what if’s.

This is my story…

I AM OLUWAKEMISOLA A. (Dr).
A MEDICAL DOCTOR, FEMINIST ACTIVIST, SRHR EXPERT AND ADVOCATE, WRITER, CAMPAIGNER AND STORYTELLER.

2017: The Sweet and Sour Experience

​So, it’s that time of the year again… Heelloo!!! I’m here again with my end of the year post… smiles. Hope y’all have been good?… now, lets talk about my 2017.

After moving from last year, thinking it was the most stressful… 2017 be looking at me like…

you can read my 2016 encounter here https://kemisolaagoyi1.wordpress.com/2016/12/31/2016-has-come-and-gone-cheers-to-the-new-year/

The year started with me setting up an NGO – “The Sanitary Aid Initiative – TSAI”, as a cofounder with Aunt Lola (a wonderful sister with me) and also starting up “Your Cooperate HouseKeepers ” (although Med School didn’t let the business thrive). In school, we resumed psychiatry posting; that was another whole new experience going to Federal Neuropsychiatry Hospital Yaba everyday for one month and going to pakoto opened my eyes in a new light.

Then “turn up” started all the way from January, cause my baby girl got engaged in January (so I had the opportunity to plan a surprise engagement party for the then soon-to-be-bride, who is now a MRS). January was fast, even my travel started in the first month… it was Warri all the way!

February came and 4th was a day! Me and my clan had a video shoot with Child Health Advocacy Initiave (CHAI) to stand against FGM (the feminist and activist movement must continue… LOL). The shot was lit (with Bisi, Bisola, Brammy, Borowa and Akeju! It was at a studio in Omole. Also there was the transitioning to Anaesthesia.

March was march. We rounded off 500L finally and resumed final year in medical school finally (its been a long time coming) and by then, we had our name… Syncytium ’17 (although I wanted Titans) but Syncytians are the best!

Even though I proposed to drop off a lot in 2017 and have more time for myself, I did pick up some few things like serving my home association – AMSUL – as a senator.

Then April came and it was lit! In school, senior Surgery posting swung-in in full force. I also planned a bridal shower with Lala and the sisters for our boo and was the chief brides maid for my bestie all the way in Warri. Also, it was our final year awareness… shuttling that day with BPSU in surgery was crazy. Lol, sweet memories.

May started with me going for the movie premier of slow country with Mrs Nana and Iyama. Then there was Apere concert with Gboneme and Somto courtesy – the Mrs! Surgery ended and June was here… I made my way to Abuja for the IFMSA SRT with awesome people… it was awesome! I thought, learnt, met and was inspired!

In all of this, Stephanie Ugbor (@StephieKal) had come into my life, The Press club was there – My president almost making my life “a living hell”… LOL, and FAMSA work was there too… striving hard to publish AFROMEDICA. Also the wonderful girls in my life at the moment – my mentees (Bisola, Sekinat; these two were with me in stormy days, Salamah, Iruoma, Yemisi, Ameenah and Simbiat; came into my life at the right time… and I love them all, more joining soon). This year was a year of mentorship.

July was in Medicine posting; it was long, tedious and really enlightening, but my end of posting said, “you ain’t seen nothing”! My consultant for exam was bloody… and surgery result too wasn’t smiling but God pass them all! In this month, I knew God was great and what “social wealth” was; that is, not having a dime but still being able to tour the world. By the way, TSAI (@thesanitaryaid) was soaring high and touching lives.

AUGUST! My birth month!!! It was lit! I was on my way back to Nigeria through Tanzania enroute Ethiopia from IFMSA August meeting for my birthday (I can not forget my mentees and friends countdown; it was the best I ever had #InTears). In TZ, I met a lot of new cool people, saw a lot of tribes, culture, ate a lot of new foods and had a lot of new experience. I went for the Value Female Network (VFN) Adolescent boot camp too in Osogbo with UNFPA and Co.

Then September was the month of conferences, from HACEY’s MY SALVUS launch, to FAMSA G.A. in Bayelsa, Nigeria Delta University (Where I handed over my position as the Chairperson, SCOPUB–FAMSA 2016/2017) to Abuja again for the MWAN National biennial conference… the road trips and hook ups were amazing! The accommodations on point and the foods… bliss!

October was AMSULs health week (last health week as a Medical student *winks*) and our SYNCposium, where our speakers came to let us know that, “all books and no sense makes almighty MBBS just a certificate”. The international day of the girl child came and I was proud of my girls lead by Simbiat Lawal.

Anniversaries and Conferences continued in November; MWAN Lagos 40TH Anniversary and Biennial conference (which I was on the LOC for) where I met the crème de la crème and porshe de la porshe of the medical profession in Lagos. Then there was TFL (Teenage Festival for Life) by AHI; AHI is that anchor family to me.

December was turn up – back to back; from EKIMSA, to ARD, Joys Dad Burial (a mini friend reunion), to Blood line, to MFMYCWC get-together, to every other turn ups and birthdays too (there was a lot; from Winifreds to Gbonemes and every other person).

This is a brief summary of my 2017… might seem so rosy and sweet with loads of fun but 2017 was in fact; my sweetest and most sour year so far – I saw a lot, I went through hell!!! God, friends and family were my hold. This year was a year lots of outreaches and organizations works … for HACEY Health Initiative, SCOEPA, TSAI, AMSUL, VFN, 5/10 Help Foundation, The Press Club (the family that holds, thanks to AdeFemi Adeniji, my personal person this year), Safer Hands Initiative and many more and was a year of phoot shoots too…

Finally; my lessons for this year 2017 –

1. Love God and be Kanye about it. God knows best.
2. Do your bit and leave the rest to God. God answers prayers
3. Help comes from unexpected places. You are malleable.
4. Learn to relinquish power and it will then come back to you; you can still be relevant and be without a position.
5. Learn to wear your scars like accessories and shine with it glamorously regardless.
6. Keep working hard in diligence and intelligence; you don’t know who is watching, you don’t know how the reward is going to come in… that’s how you gather social wealth, which never goes bankrupt.
7. Whatever you know or have learnt… pass it on. Mentoring is key.
8. Whatever your hands find to do… do it well, do it diligently.
9. Real friends and colleagues make life sweet and easier to live in… Remember, the more the merrier.
10. Be happy for people and Support others to grow and you will always find support.

2018 is going to be great! This I know for sure… Appreciation to everyone who made my 2017 lit – Stephanie Ugbor and the MFMYC Writers Club Family, Oluwakorede, Gboneme, Aunty Lala, Aunty Lola, LA, Seriki, my roomies, my neighbours, Lizzy and Toyosi (Thank you all for believing in me), MWAN, The Press Club (Thank you for service and lessons), NiMSA female forum (I won most active person of the year 2017!), my mentors and mentees, my Oga – Roland, Jesutofunmi, Abiola Gbenga, Olujide, my classmates – SYNC ‘17 (awesomest real MVPs), my co-workers in all ways (NGOs, YCH, Ushers), The Nanas!, my family (the list goes on… please if you don’t see your name… I’m deeply sorry, time and space won’t let me… but you all ROCK! Thank you #Kisses)

I am deeply sorry for my lapses, short comings and wrong doings this year – 2018 is gonna be better!

 Join me in thanking God as we celebrate into the new year…

Yours sincerely, with much love

Oluwakemisola A. 31.12.2017

Movie review: THE WOMEN!

​… With women, everything is complicated!… Where two or three women are gathered; there is war!

Its been ages here… #CoversFaceInShame, I know… #Sad, please pardon me. But, better late than never!

So, here is what I think about the movie; The Women. By the way, I saw this movie earlier in October with a Friend (of course as a late night movie… With only 3 of us in the cinema hall… Lol, but it was fun all the way).

The movie is majorly centered on 4 Women, who are “friends”, all married and supposedly living the large life on the island in Nigeria.  There is Omoh (Ufuoma McDermott) – the hot-shaped desperate wanna-be adulterious wife of Maro (Anthony Monjaro). There is Teni, the high shouldered queen-diva with a broken home on the verge of collapse embittered wife of Bez (Kalu Ikeagwu). Then, there is Rose (Katherine Obiang), the sweet-sour quick-to-action-in-all-ways friend, mother and calabar wife of Ayo (Femi Branch) and finally, there is Ene (Kate Henshaw), the Sugar mummy married to an extremely rich “uncultured” Ibo Man, Chubby (Gregory Ojefua) and keeping a sugarboy in their matrimonial home as a chef! Exhilarating! Isn’t it? Lol. Amazingly twisted actually… Lol.
So this drama started with Omoh discussing about her coming “Fortieth” Birthday party with her husband – Maro (and “40”, is a BIG DEAL!) – how she wants to spoil her “friends” silly, with a getaway weekend to “Dubai”, since Teni did the same for her 40th birthday some months back and spent “10million naira” celebrating the birthday. Maro, been a just, gentleman that he is and also a strong believer of “cut your coat according to your material” (lol), truthfully and blatantly told his wife with love, that they can not afford it at the moment. This reply didn’t go well with Omoh, hence, the desperate measures of sleeping with a friends husband and telling lies to get money and prestige at “all cost”, to throw that party, that would be the talk of town.

Eventually, She got the money – enough to get her “close” to her dream “getaway party” (although somewhere on the island in Lagos), which turned out to be her actual “get away” in life… LOL. The cost, was “a whole huge lot”… And trust me when I say, it spared no one – not even her “3 musketeers” were left out of the hot mess… They all had their fair share of the “get away”.

At the end of the day, we were made to realize that;

• No Marriage with a woman is “perfect”.
• Every home has one or two secrets (some roll into hundreds of thousands over years).
• At least, one person in every couple has a dark past.
• To every happy home there is an EX hovering around (not necessarily for evil though).
• All married women are not totally immuned to the charm of a sexy chef.
• No matter how rich a husband is; appearance and composure in public still matters to women a lot.
• You can be married to a woman for 13 years and not know her real age or that she has had a child (looks are deceptive, lol… ).
• Post Partum Depression is real! (and full house wives are the most prone to it).
• A woman wanting her husband isn’t all about the sex always (Husbands, please take a timeout to just listen to her rant for the sake of it).
• When you see “wind blowing open the fowls ass” or you see “fire on the mountain” and it hasn’t gotten to you yet or you at below it… RUN! Before it gets to you.
• Trying to be like someone else will eventually cost you “everything” for “nothing”.
• When your home is in shambles – fix it from within – don’t try to place the  pieces and remnants on an external factor… It will totally crumble.
• No woman starts out – “a liar”… Life happens and some of us just get greedy and self centred as we grow.

Although Women are good guardian of secrets; secrets are leaked at the hour of “hot gist” – beware of friends that know your secrets, ’cause “Hell hath no fury, like the “scorn” of a woman with your secrets”, they can ruin your entire being in seconds.

Try and practice to be truthful always… It saves you and everyone around you a lot of trouble.

Overall, I loved the movie! It was a good watch for my time and money… I laughed, I liked the way the scenes played out, the dramas, the conversations, the “aprokos“, the fights, the shades (yeah, a lot of shades were thrown; openly!… It was a massacre, bloody!). The movie was insightful, I saw a lot and learnt a lot that I could relate to in our today’s Women society. Although, I might not be so convinced about the ending of some of the characters in the movie (Ene , Teni and Omoh).

I would give the producer and actors, a 8/10 (that is distinction…). Keep up the good work and let us see more of this – to learn from, while enjoying the drama and having a good laugh.

Oluwakemisola A.

22.11.2017 (Happy Birthday Abisola Ajayi :))

Just Once.

​I did it just once and I got bitten.

I went down that road just once

And I got stuck forever.

I went for the kill just once

And I got scarred for life.

I jumped to catch just once

And my bones crumbled continually.

 Just once, I thought of you

And your memories lingered on.

Just once, I felt your touch

And I couldn’t let go.

Just once, I let you see

And you saw to my depths.

Just once, I let you hear

And you heard the epistles of my soul.

Just once, I let you glow

And unfading, you became…

I tried it just once and I got the gold.

I tried just once and I crashed in the dust.

I tried it just once and glory came for me

I tried it just once and the gallows kept calling for me…

For once, I took that turn

And I was turned forever.

Just once, I looked to you

And you got me hooked on you.

Just once, I let you go

And you left, without looking back.

Just once, I let you in

And out, you left in me a seed.

A seed that grew into a tree I couldn’t hew down…

Just once, just that once…

And my whole being spun at once.

Just once, just that once,

I got scars to nurse.

Just once, just that once…

I can no longer take a step back

Just once…

Dedicated to everyone that made a “one-time decision or mistake” at a point or the other in their lifetime, that left indelible marks in your lives – in whatever area (career, education, relationships, marriage, religion… And so on)

You are stronger than your faults.

Oluwakemisola A.

July 21st, 2017

WHEN I STARTED TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY “EVERY” ACTIONS…

​I will never forget and forever remain grateful for that fateful day in the year 2015, when I walked into Tunde’s clinic for the first time. And after several sessions with him, I realised that I had lived my whole life making certain mistakes.

I had made it part of me – my entire life – to blame situations or people for certain actions and thoughts of mine. Although it was a bit challenging but after several sessions; I came to a realisation, made decisions and ultimately took actions. I realised that, I could either continue to “brood about how unhappy my childhood was”, “about peoples actions towards me” or “certain unpleasant situations in my life” and allow all of that result in negative feelings of sadness, bitterness and anger which ultimately results into “certain wrong or irrational actions I took” or “I could start taking charge of my own actions and thoughts, controlling them, becoming the architect of my own life”. Hence, taking full responsibility for my actions. 

Over time, I’ve watched a lot of people make similar mistakes and it has become a thing of great concern to me; as I’ve watched people not live their lifes to the maximum potential due to these mistakes. 

Below are 5 of the common mistakes I’ve seen and heard people make:

1. The reason for my behaviour today and bitterness is because I had an unhappy/abusive/difficult childhood.

No doubts, early childhood environment and psychosocial development contribute a vital portion of an individual’s life, but at a certain point in your adult life; you need to stand up for your – own – self. Only “you” can do that, you owe it to yourself. You have to decide to be happy and take full responsibility for your actions and thoughts. Rather than using this reason as an excuse to be sad, bitter, angry, irritable and ultimately carrying out irrational, violent or wrong actions. The decision starts first with you. 

You can choose to be happy, get help, seek and learn from others who survived through similar challenges and inform yourself. All these can be challenging and not so easy, trust me I know, but they are crucial to healing, self-growth and development in order to live a life of full potential.

2. Please people, there are no such things as; “I don’t know what came over me” or “this was the work of the devil” or “I raped him/her because him/her tempted me or got naked in front of me” or “I killed/was violent to him/her because they annoyed me”…

All these are never excuses or reasons, they shouldn’t even be heard of at all because you ultimately performed that wrong action. There was always the option of “walking away from annoying, painful or tempting situations” or “deciding to just not do it”. But, it all comes down to the fact that; you thought about doing it in your head first, secondly you didn’t discard it, and then you made the final decision and eventually performed that wrong action. Never blame people for your actions!!!

3. I can’t love or trust again because someone broke my heart.

My dear, you are going to miss out on a whole lot in life and may not live life to the fullest if you continue with this notion. You do not have to allow the person that broke your heart continue to influence your present thoughts, decisions and actions, long after they’ve left you. Trust me, they aren’t worth it! It’s a choice you need to make now – by yourself – to grieve, let them go, move past them, pick up yourself, be happy, hope for the best in your subsequent relationships and love again. I personally do not believe in the “he/she broke my heart” line. I like to see it as “I let him/her break my heart” because I believe it’s “ultimately my decision” to be sad or unhappy despite whatever  someone has done to me and it’s my duty to take care of myself.

4. I showered him/her with gifts/money/time/commitment/my all and they just used me only for what I had to offer them.

No doubts, this can be a really unpleasant experience when we think about it. After given a lot to someone or a course, only to realise we were actually been deceived, used or manipulated but at the end of the day it is better we take responsibility and not blame them for whatever we are going through. Not disputing the fact that you may have been used but it also doesn’t change the fact that, “you are the one that eventually made the decision and action to give all these things willingly”. Think in the direction of; you will be smarter, more vigilant, well informed and be able to watch out for deception in your subsequent relationships and hence, will make better and well informed decisions and actions.

5. Ignorance 

Some people claim “ignorance” is the reason they involve in or carry out certain actions. Either “genuine ignorance” or “false ignorance” is never enough reason to carry out any wrong act. At some point in your adult life, you need to take charge of your life and actions, educate yourself, read books, be informed, ask questions, go to seminars & conferences, go out of your way to learn new things and be determined to do the right thing. The fact that you did not know something was wrong before doing it doesn’t make it excusable. 

In conclusion, have a positive attitude to life; no person or situation is ever a reason to influence your thoughts or actions negatively. It is best to learn to take responsibility for your own actions and thoughts as this makes you – more – in control of your life, to live life the way you want it and not just be as chaff that goes in any direction – people or situations blow them to go.
Be the architect of your own life! 

Don’t let yourself be the victim to people or circumstances!  

Remember only you can take care of yourself! 

Make decisions and take actions that profit you, make you happy and lead to self growth & development. Only then will you live life to the fullest, achieve your goals and attain your maximum potential in life.
-BAMIDO BOROWA, 2017

Photo credit, Google.

​FIFTY! THE MOVIE

Holla peepz! It’s been a while I wrote a movie review. So, this movie I want to talk about; I saw the trailer first when I went to see the movie I had my first review of and since then, I fell in love with it and have been looking forward to it. Yes! I am a sucker for Nigerian movies in the cinemas… weird… I know, but if I don’t support my own, who will? Lol.
Fifty. Let’s talk about the age first, and then we’ll move to the movie. A lecturer once followed a trend In class; of how we are so excited to grow up that even when we are 13, we say… we are GONNA BE 16, then we BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and your dreams are gone, then we MAKE IT TO 60, HIT 70… After which it’s a day-by-day thing, then we GET INTO our 80’s and every day is a complete cycle, where you HIT lunch! Into the 90s, you start going backwards, like “I Was JUST 92”. Then it eventually happens… you MAKE IT OVER 100! You become a little kid again, “I’m 100 and a half!”. You start thinking in fractions like you did when you were under 10. Isn’t life and ageing – or growing up, like some would say – not sooo funny? The whole point of this story is that REACHING 50 is an important landmark in life and a phase that comes with different challenges. It’s a big deal, not overrated.

Fifty is no child’s play… We mean business!

The movie started out intriguing and there were 4 major fifty characters. One, who was already 50, the hot-rich-obstetrician and gynecologist – Ireti Doyle as Elizabeth – who has this “hotter young boyfriend” and an “almost” impossible daughter (that is by the way because, in her way of hooking up with younger men, her daughter caught her in the “very act” with her boyfriend; yeah, it wasn’t a pleasant sight. Imagine walking in on your mom on her knees having sex with your boyfriend…). Then, the workaholic – Omoni Oboli as Maria – who turned 50, has nothing much going in her life and was having an affair with her friend’s husband. 

There is also the eccentric one – Dakore Akande as Tola, turning 50 too soon – with underlying family and psychological issues and still put up a façade for the world to see and believe; while she rots inside with her mums “help”… (by the way, she is the one whose husband is been slept with by a friend, while she blames another friend and she has a son for her father… amazing, isn’t it?). And finally, there is the one in denial – Nse Ikpe Etim as Kate – who thinks God is unhappy with her and spends all her life in the “house of the Lord”, while her own house crumble under her feet… earnestly praying for healing without her husband knowledge of her troubles (and she was the gullible one been accused falsely of cheating with her friend’s husband… sad, Isn’t it?).

A scene with RFT, the falsely accused friend and the estranged Husband

Ok, I have like summarized the whole point of the movie but it would be great if you see it, ‘cause it relates to what women in different levels and phases of life go through at the golden age of 50 – reminds me of “Lagos Cougars”, another must see movie.

What I loved about the movie; it was realistic, although not to the end (I don’t think a 50 year old in Nigeria would want to blow out her 50th birthday cake candle in a night club… maybe the trend is changing though)… the beginning was intriguing and captivating, I anticipated a whole lot more fascinating ending. My best character was Ireti Doyle; she acted like she was 50, her level of friendship with her friends is #Goals and the way she switches between her Yoruba, Pidgin and English… that was epic! And the best part was when she was signing an autograph for the lady that “would be 23 in like 10 months away” and she gave that cute sarcastic answer. I also loved the King Sunny Ade, Nneka, Aunty Tiwa and Waje’s part.

Shades of glamour and class…

What I didn’t quite enjoy was the too emotional Nse Ikpe-Etim, the gambling part of her husband and their bankruptcy story – I didn’t so get the thread of that story line. The over dramatic RFT – Rich and Fabulous Tola and her totally “unturned” abuse story, also the “almost to the end” story line between her husband and her friend – the signal it’s meant to pass… I don’t quite go along with it; it has an undertone of getting away with adultery #MyOpinion.

In all, I liked or rather, lurrh’d the movie! I enjoyed it and it is a classic – to me – and I would rate it, a 7.5 over 10 (that’s a distinction) Good work Ms. Producer and story/script writer. Keep it up!

…when you are beautiful and you know it…

That would be all for now… Remember to enjoy every day as you grow old, ‘cause you can never go back to been 21or 50 and you only live once.
Oluwakemisola A.

January 2016

​The Dawn of Valentine

It’s now 11:40pm and like every other night I lay on my bed, eyes wide open, writhing away in pain so intense that I bleed from every opening and feel the pangs through every fibre constituting my small compact but shredded body. Shredded by the invisible claws of sheer wickedness, wickedness begat from a love turned sour. As I bleed, both water and blood… and drowning away in my own thoughts and heart intent … I am jolted back to the present by the beep of my phone with its colourful light, as I lay down and find solace in the pitch darkness of my room. I look at the phone and it dawns on me – It is 11:55pm of February 13.

Then It crept into my mind, like a sweet peaceful flowing river and immediately; I jumped up… one by one I let go of every piece of covering holding me to my bed… after which I let go every bit of clothing clinging to my skin to afford me some means of comfort and warmth away from the cold night, the stone cold world and my ice cold heart. When I was done – as if instructed by an unseen being or unheard voice – I looked to the left and then to my right, while I let myself slip away through the door of my room. I continued down the hallway, strolling through the corridors with fire blazing from my eyes and finally, I let myself into the rushing harsh wind, away from the constraint of the walls of my building as I stand in the open, just as I had come into this world… and I let it all go…

… “I curse you today! I curse you with the curse of heaven! I curse you with the curse of the earth; I curse you with the curse of the night, the curse of the dead of the night! … I curse you with the blood that flows through and out of me! I curse you with every drop of water that passes through me! I curse you with the curse of silence! I curse you with the curse of pain! I curse you with the curse of nakedness! I curse you…” as I let out the last three words, I could feel my ice cold heart thaw away as I break down sobbing – it’s been a while I heard myself speak and let go of all the hate, pain and sorrow I had piled up in me for the past 12 months – the pendulum of 12:00am February 14 struck away as if feeling my pain and giving a response to my screams into the dead of the night. 

Oluwakemisola A.

10/02/17

6pm