Tag Archives: live

WHEN I STARTED TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY “EVERY” ACTIONS…

​I will never forget and forever remain grateful for that fateful day in the year 2015, when I walked into Tunde’s clinic for the first time. And after several sessions with him, I realised that I had lived my whole life making certain mistakes.

I had made it part of me – my entire life – to blame situations or people for certain actions and thoughts of mine. Although it was a bit challenging but after several sessions; I came to a realisation, made decisions and ultimately took actions. I realised that, I could either continue to “brood about how unhappy my childhood was”, “about peoples actions towards me” or “certain unpleasant situations in my life” and allow all of that result in negative feelings of sadness, bitterness and anger which ultimately results into “certain wrong or irrational actions I took” or “I could start taking charge of my own actions and thoughts, controlling them, becoming the architect of my own life”. Hence, taking full responsibility for my actions. 

Over time, I’ve watched a lot of people make similar mistakes and it has become a thing of great concern to me; as I’ve watched people not live their lifes to the maximum potential due to these mistakes. 

Below are 5 of the common mistakes I’ve seen and heard people make:

1. The reason for my behaviour today and bitterness is because I had an unhappy/abusive/difficult childhood.

No doubts, early childhood environment and psychosocial development contribute a vital portion of an individual’s life, but at a certain point in your adult life; you need to stand up for your – own – self. Only “you” can do that, you owe it to yourself. You have to decide to be happy and take full responsibility for your actions and thoughts. Rather than using this reason as an excuse to be sad, bitter, angry, irritable and ultimately carrying out irrational, violent or wrong actions. The decision starts first with you. 

You can choose to be happy, get help, seek and learn from others who survived through similar challenges and inform yourself. All these can be challenging and not so easy, trust me I know, but they are crucial to healing, self-growth and development in order to live a life of full potential.

2. Please people, there are no such things as; “I don’t know what came over me” or “this was the work of the devil” or “I raped him/her because him/her tempted me or got naked in front of me” or “I killed/was violent to him/her because they annoyed me”…

All these are never excuses or reasons, they shouldn’t even be heard of at all because you ultimately performed that wrong action. There was always the option of “walking away from annoying, painful or tempting situations” or “deciding to just not do it”. But, it all comes down to the fact that; you thought about doing it in your head first, secondly you didn’t discard it, and then you made the final decision and eventually performed that wrong action. Never blame people for your actions!!!

3. I can’t love or trust again because someone broke my heart.

My dear, you are going to miss out on a whole lot in life and may not live life to the fullest if you continue with this notion. You do not have to allow the person that broke your heart continue to influence your present thoughts, decisions and actions, long after they’ve left you. Trust me, they aren’t worth it! It’s a choice you need to make now – by yourself – to grieve, let them go, move past them, pick up yourself, be happy, hope for the best in your subsequent relationships and love again. I personally do not believe in the “he/she broke my heart” line. I like to see it as “I let him/her break my heart” because I believe it’s “ultimately my decision” to be sad or unhappy despite whatever  someone has done to me and it’s my duty to take care of myself.

4. I showered him/her with gifts/money/time/commitment/my all and they just used me only for what I had to offer them.

No doubts, this can be a really unpleasant experience when we think about it. After given a lot to someone or a course, only to realise we were actually been deceived, used or manipulated but at the end of the day it is better we take responsibility and not blame them for whatever we are going through. Not disputing the fact that you may have been used but it also doesn’t change the fact that, “you are the one that eventually made the decision and action to give all these things willingly”. Think in the direction of; you will be smarter, more vigilant, well informed and be able to watch out for deception in your subsequent relationships and hence, will make better and well informed decisions and actions.

5. Ignorance 

Some people claim “ignorance” is the reason they involve in or carry out certain actions. Either “genuine ignorance” or “false ignorance” is never enough reason to carry out any wrong act. At some point in your adult life, you need to take charge of your life and actions, educate yourself, read books, be informed, ask questions, go to seminars & conferences, go out of your way to learn new things and be determined to do the right thing. The fact that you did not know something was wrong before doing it doesn’t make it excusable. 

In conclusion, have a positive attitude to life; no person or situation is ever a reason to influence your thoughts or actions negatively. It is best to learn to take responsibility for your own actions and thoughts as this makes you – more – in control of your life, to live life the way you want it and not just be as chaff that goes in any direction – people or situations blow them to go.
Be the architect of your own life! 

Don’t let yourself be the victim to people or circumstances!  

Remember only you can take care of yourself! 

Make decisions and take actions that profit you, make you happy and lead to self growth & development. Only then will you live life to the fullest, achieve your goals and attain your maximum potential in life.
-BAMIDO BOROWA, 2017

Photo credit, Google.

​FIFTY! THE MOVIE

Holla peepz! It’s been a while I wrote a movie review. So, this movie I want to talk about; I saw the trailer first when I went to see the movie I had my first review of and since then, I fell in love with it and have been looking forward to it. Yes! I am a sucker for Nigerian movies in the cinemas… weird… I know, but if I don’t support my own, who will? Lol.
Fifty. Let’s talk about the age first, and then we’ll move to the movie. A lecturer once followed a trend In class; of how we are so excited to grow up that even when we are 13, we say… we are GONNA BE 16, then we BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and your dreams are gone, then we MAKE IT TO 60, HIT 70… After which it’s a day-by-day thing, then we GET INTO our 80’s and every day is a complete cycle, where you HIT lunch! Into the 90s, you start going backwards, like “I Was JUST 92”. Then it eventually happens… you MAKE IT OVER 100! You become a little kid again, “I’m 100 and a half!”. You start thinking in fractions like you did when you were under 10. Isn’t life and ageing – or growing up, like some would say – not sooo funny? The whole point of this story is that REACHING 50 is an important landmark in life and a phase that comes with different challenges. It’s a big deal, not overrated.

Fifty is no child’s play… We mean business!
The movie started out intriguing and there were 4 major fifty characters. One, who was already 50, the hot-rich-obstetrician and gynecologist – Ireti Doyle as Elizabeth – who has this “hotter young boyfriend” and an “almost” impossible daughter (that is by the way because, in her way of hooking up with younger men, her daughter caught her in the “very act” with her boyfriend; yeah, it wasn’t a pleasant sight. Imagine walking in on your mom on her knees having sex with your boyfriend…). Then, the workaholic – Omoni Oboli as Maria – who turned 50, has nothing much going in her life and was having an affair with her friend’s husband. 

There is also the eccentric one – Dakore Akande as Tola, turning 50 too soon – with underlying family and psychological issues and still put up a façade for the world to see and believe; while she rots inside with her mums “help”… (by the way, she is the one whose husband is been slept with by a friend, while she blames another friend and she has a son for her father… amazing, isn’t it?). And finally, there is the one in denial – Nse Ikpe Etim as Kate – who thinks God is unhappy with her and spends all her life in the “house of the Lord”, while her own house crumble under her feet… earnestly praying for healing without her husband knowledge of her troubles (and she was the gullible one been accused falsely of cheating with her friend’s husband… sad, Isn’t it?).

A scene with RFT, the falsely accused friend and the estranged Husband
Ok, I have like summarized the whole point of the movie but it would be great if you see it, ‘cause it relates to what women in different levels and phases of life go through at the golden age of 50 – reminds me of “Lagos Cougars”, another must see movie.

What I loved about the movie; it was realistic, although not to the end (I don’t think a 50 year old in Nigeria would want to blow out her 50th birthday cake candle in a night club… maybe the trend is changing though)… the beginning was intriguing and captivating, I anticipated a whole lot more fascinating ending. My best character was Ireti Doyle; she acted like she was 50, her level of friendship with her friends is #Goals and the way she switches between her Yoruba, Pidgin and English… that was epic! And the best part was when she was signing an autograph for the lady that “would be 23 in like 10 months away” and she gave that cute sarcastic answer. I also loved the King Sunny Ade, Nneka, Aunty Tiwa and Waje’s part.

Shades of glamour and class…
What I didn’t quite enjoy was the too emotional Nse Ikpe-Etim, the gambling part of her husband and their bankruptcy story – I didn’t so get the thread of that story line. The over dramatic RFT – Rich and Fabulous Tola and her totally “unturned” abuse story, also the “almost to the end” story line between her husband and her friend – the signal it’s meant to pass… I don’t quite go along with it; it has an undertone of getting away with adultery #MyOpinion.

In all, I liked or rather, lurrh’d the movie! I enjoyed it and it is a classic – to me – and I would rate it, a 7.5 over 10 (that’s a distinction) Good work Ms. Producer and story/script writer. Keep it up!

…when you are beautiful and you know it…
That would be all for now… Remember to enjoy every day as you grow old, ‘cause you can never go back to been 21or 50 and you only live once.
Oluwakemisola A.

January 2016

2016 has come and gone; cheers to the New Year

I know I have been, an unfaithful end of the year/beginning of the New Year lover to my blog and readers… but please forgive me; believe me it wasn’t my fault… I am just overwhelmingly busy and choked with activities. Trust me.

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So many great people in one picture… #Greatness #StartedFromTheBottomNowWeAreHere

So a recap of my year, as usual. First, I want to thank Almighty God – My Jehovah Le Epic – for the Gift of life, good health, sanity, family, friends, helpers and awesome team members (in all ramifications). I always thought last year (2015) was the height and limit of stretch point but alas! This year made me know my threshold was 200%. LOL.

 

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With NiMSA and FAMSA Excos… Caption our faces… #LOL

 

 

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#lol… she is my sister, best ever and the other is my “iya oko”… BTW tomorrow is her Birthday #Jan1Baby

 

Let’s start from school; my year started with us resuming into 500level, it was a new ball game entirely! Community health was… different, every trip and posting was a hit, back to back, from HMPD (Mama Campbell and Co.) to MCH to PPPHC to Urban (Somolu) to rural (Pakoto) to GMP (Ijegun) and even my undergraduate project (which by the way, a lot of people were surprised I finished it at the stipulated time, as busy and unavailable as I was) and then the great psychiatry. School this year, although almost always on the road, draining and tiring… but I enjoyed myself all the way.

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So that’s Brammy my bae, haruna another bae, Sheila my roommie, borowa my Bunkie, lizzy, funmi, minkky, costly, Sam, Dammie my teamies and Ogbeni Agbaje!… this picture is full of baes!

 

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So many women leaders… so many stories… all in one piece…

 

Let’s talk about politics (also by the way I hate been referred to as a politician, please, don’t call me that.) and the different things I was involved in this year. LOL. First, I think the best that happened to me was to be appointed as the “Liaison Officer to Partners for NiMSA” (Trust me, it’s worth all the stress), my office as the Chairperson of SCOPUB – FAMSA too exposed me to one or two things I didn’t know before. Then, The Press Club Unilag – my first love ever; all my days as the Welfare Secretary, I don’t regret and even now as the VP/Editor-in-Chief, I would give my best, because when all was down, that was a family that stood by me, taught me and held me up.

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me with The Press Club UNILAG fam… #TPC on tour in UI and to OAU

 

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Old picture but new caption and recent Campaign…

 

MWAN!!! This year had drama… but in all, it was fun!!! I ate, I lounged, I dinned with the la crème de la crème and the porsche de la porsche (if there is anything like that… LOL) of Nigeria’s very own medical women. Shout out to Dr Abiola, Dr Oyalowo and my ever loving Dr Oludare.

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Dr. Yetunde Ayo-Oyalowo and Dr. Yetunde Oludare… both of them are a source of inspiration to me…
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Yeah… that’s me, at the same event… looking all stressed up #coversFace, no time for facebeat sef #unlook

Now events; which was the highlights of the year… everything was a hit! Back to back! From the SCOPI Outreach program (shoutout to the team and SCOPI-D, Ojo Roland – Surest bae of 2016), to IPAS FBO SHRH Training (Shout out to Mr Edosa, his team, and the entire NiMSA crew – Sam, Haruna, Hamzy also costly and funmi… ), to SCOPI National Conference, to the 5th Ngozi Agbo Media Lecture, to MWAN AGSM, to NiMSA FIS even to church programs and friends’ weddings … I Bless God for the amazing success  of all and all the team members I had… y’all are the best!

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so much life! like when you see me… #kisses
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Beautiful people! so much smile… #smiles #memories

Moving onto travels. This year my travelling was limited but the year started with ABJ (which I think was my best so far, the luxury was on point…), then different conference trips to Accra (was a road trip #MyWestAfricaTour and was #ThaBomb!) and Teshie, Ghana (where I presented and met some really cool people), then there was Ogbomosho (LAUTECH), also Babcock, Ilisan (the experience there was… hilarious in a cute new way, #DatsAll. LOL), then the UI and OAU tour one weekend with my TPC family (was fun, sporadic and crazy!), then I got banned from travelling for the rest of the year, so I missed Zaria, Sagamu and Burkina Faso… #sad.

 

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me fooling myself… #LOL

 

 

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Happy People!!! Different expressions #LOL

 

Things I learnt from the year;

  1. Help comes from unexpected places and people, and undiluted strength and comfort only comes from GOD Almighty.
  2. Don’t base your happiness, functionality or productivity on people; people fail, people disappoint, people discourage, people push you down, people backbite, people desert you, people do all sort of crazy things (lol… #Memories…) but only GOD and your family would not. Trust me. Trust God.
  3. Live your life, do whatever makes you happy and fulfilled, don’t think of negativity of what people will say, do or are saying or doing… either ways #WhoDeyEpp?… ‘cause at the end of the day, it’s “your” life and “only you” and “you alone” would give account for it.
  4. Brace Up, Do Your Thing, today may look gloomy and tedious with setbacks but your reward is on its way! Just be strong and believe.
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3 strong women… although Bisola doesn’t like this… but she loves me… I love you too! #kisses

 

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Ms. Megbope spoke to my soul… one of the realest convo I had this year… God bless you wherever you are Ma. #Inspiration

 

Okay, finally let’s talk about parties I enjoyed for the year, I think apart from weddings, the best was my baby’s (OgheneNyerhovwo) birthday and then the various dinners… #DatsAll… This post wouldn’t be complete without mentioning some other great people to me in 2016, in person of, Dr Esiet and AHI team, Dr Odeyemi, Mr Ogunronbi, all the UNFPA Lagos Team, My two sisters (Bisi and Pelumi, they are savers!), NiMSA FIS LOC (I LOVE YOU ALL!!!), FAMSA and NiMSA peeps (y’all are the real MVP #kisses), my epic roommates (the 534 crew… y’all loved me and took me as I am… I love you all!!!) And my awesome friends… you all know yourselves… y’all were my hold, I love you… #InTears

 

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yeah, that’s me rocking the NiMSA shirt, my roommie Pst Faith and Stanley at SCOPI Outreach…

 

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My project poster presentation… Oya learn small… #SHR #FemaleAdvocate

 

On a final note; I was deserted, stretched, embittered, taken for granted, tried new things, learnt new things, went to new places, meet new people… I cried, went hungry, sick and almost severely depressed or manic… but God was epic in his compensations to me and he saw me through it all.

 

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I so love this picture! Happy New Year Guys…

 

So brethren, sit up, look straight, tidy your crown, hold up your glass… as we gallantly step into the New Year with grand style. Cheers! to the New Year people.

God bless you and the works of your hands.

 

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you must have seen this before… that was in Ghana… #smiles

 

 

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Birthday Selfie in front of 534… #KISSES

 

OLUWAKEMISOLA A. … I Luurrhhh y’all!!! happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!

Life is Short

“Life is short”.

I know this statement or saying is so cliché that it has lost its effect but I want you to say it – slowly and meaningful…

Life. Is. Short. Really.

“Life is tooo short to be sad, worried or anxious half or even as small as one percent of the time”…

Life is too short and long at the same time – irony and paradox of life – to be “managing life”.

Some days back, I became a year older (I am not so old, infact, I am just 12 years old) and am I happy? Well, mixed feelings.56bf52cb399aa1bae3b6500680422060

I got friends turn sisters, brothers and uncles, roommates turn family and the real bae family around but that didn’t change the feelings and thoughts I had deep down inside.

I got older and had a “sober reflection”, like I love to call it; “sisters” that have gotten married, friends that got new assets, properties and so on and here I am, single, losing weight and sitting on my 6-man-battalion-barracks-hostel-room-bed-space almost penniless and without even a decent phone. Lol. Funny, isn’t it?

#sighs #deepbreath.

Well, but in all of these, I am happy and free (I remember that song that was and still is my favourite…), I am grateful and thankful for the gift of life (like a lover advised me to…), I am thankful to the epic Jehovah – who is seeing me through – for the gift of positioning, “good health” and sanity.

And with time I have come to realise that happiness and joy is internal, and should never be attached to anything external ‘cause honey, they will fail you – woefully.

So, I have decided, not to let anything external take away my inner peace, happiness and joy, I have decided to let life take its course while I row happily with it and I have decided to let the Almighty take the wheels not letting other peoples’ time or life or story rob me of mine.

Reason for this decision; life is short, terribly and amazingly short… so short that it shrivels out in a twinkle of an eye and yet sooo long that it takes years to get to the end of it (that’s if you are privileged or lucky to last that long though, no harm intended, just plain truthful…).Live-now-1024x1024

So final advice; live now, be happy, smile a lot, laugh out loud, enjoy yourself, go out, meet people, have fun, travel to someplace new, dance now and then, jog once in a while, be positively remorseful not regretful, love the Lord, don’t let “people” decide for you ‘cause “you” own your life and would be held solely responsible and accountable for it, make impact and touch peoples life… let them remember and miss you when you are gone (which one day you would be)… and always remember  and have it at the back of your mind that “life is short and eternity is forever”…

And below is the link to my original birthday message…

https://kemisolaagoyi1.wordpress.com/2016/08/28/the-beginning-of-a-new-perfect-366-days/

Love y’all

Oluwakemisola A. , 10th of August, 2016.