Tag Archives: emotions

WHEN I STARTED TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY “EVERY” ACTIONS…

​I will never forget and forever remain grateful for that fateful day in the year 2015, when I walked into Tunde’s clinic for the first time. And after several sessions with him, I realised that I had lived my whole life making certain mistakes.

I had made it part of me – my entire life – to blame situations or people for certain actions and thoughts of mine. Although it was a bit challenging but after several sessions; I came to a realisation, made decisions and ultimately took actions. I realised that, I could either continue to “brood about how unhappy my childhood was”, “about peoples actions towards me” or “certain unpleasant situations in my life” and allow all of that result in negative feelings of sadness, bitterness and anger which ultimately results into “certain wrong or irrational actions I took” or “I could start taking charge of my own actions and thoughts, controlling them, becoming the architect of my own life”. Hence, taking full responsibility for my actions. 

Over time, I’ve watched a lot of people make similar mistakes and it has become a thing of great concern to me; as I’ve watched people not live their lifes to the maximum potential due to these mistakes. 

Below are 5 of the common mistakes I’ve seen and heard people make:

1. The reason for my behaviour today and bitterness is because I had an unhappy/abusive/difficult childhood.

No doubts, early childhood environment and psychosocial development contribute a vital portion of an individual’s life, but at a certain point in your adult life; you need to stand up for your – own – self. Only “you” can do that, you owe it to yourself. You have to decide to be happy and take full responsibility for your actions and thoughts. Rather than using this reason as an excuse to be sad, bitter, angry, irritable and ultimately carrying out irrational, violent or wrong actions. The decision starts first with you. 

You can choose to be happy, get help, seek and learn from others who survived through similar challenges and inform yourself. All these can be challenging and not so easy, trust me I know, but they are crucial to healing, self-growth and development in order to live a life of full potential.

2. Please people, there are no such things as; “I don’t know what came over me” or “this was the work of the devil” or “I raped him/her because him/her tempted me or got naked in front of me” or “I killed/was violent to him/her because they annoyed me”…

All these are never excuses or reasons, they shouldn’t even be heard of at all because you ultimately performed that wrong action. There was always the option of “walking away from annoying, painful or tempting situations” or “deciding to just not do it”. But, it all comes down to the fact that; you thought about doing it in your head first, secondly you didn’t discard it, and then you made the final decision and eventually performed that wrong action. Never blame people for your actions!!!

3. I can’t love or trust again because someone broke my heart.

My dear, you are going to miss out on a whole lot in life and may not live life to the fullest if you continue with this notion. You do not have to allow the person that broke your heart continue to influence your present thoughts, decisions and actions, long after they’ve left you. Trust me, they aren’t worth it! It’s a choice you need to make now – by yourself – to grieve, let them go, move past them, pick up yourself, be happy, hope for the best in your subsequent relationships and love again. I personally do not believe in the “he/she broke my heart” line. I like to see it as “I let him/her break my heart” because I believe it’s “ultimately my decision” to be sad or unhappy despite whatever  someone has done to me and it’s my duty to take care of myself.

4. I showered him/her with gifts/money/time/commitment/my all and they just used me only for what I had to offer them.

No doubts, this can be a really unpleasant experience when we think about it. After given a lot to someone or a course, only to realise we were actually been deceived, used or manipulated but at the end of the day it is better we take responsibility and not blame them for whatever we are going through. Not disputing the fact that you may have been used but it also doesn’t change the fact that, “you are the one that eventually made the decision and action to give all these things willingly”. Think in the direction of; you will be smarter, more vigilant, well informed and be able to watch out for deception in your subsequent relationships and hence, will make better and well informed decisions and actions.

5. Ignorance 

Some people claim “ignorance” is the reason they involve in or carry out certain actions. Either “genuine ignorance” or “false ignorance” is never enough reason to carry out any wrong act. At some point in your adult life, you need to take charge of your life and actions, educate yourself, read books, be informed, ask questions, go to seminars & conferences, go out of your way to learn new things and be determined to do the right thing. The fact that you did not know something was wrong before doing it doesn’t make it excusable. 

In conclusion, have a positive attitude to life; no person or situation is ever a reason to influence your thoughts or actions negatively. It is best to learn to take responsibility for your own actions and thoughts as this makes you – more – in control of your life, to live life the way you want it and not just be as chaff that goes in any direction – people or situations blow them to go.
Be the architect of your own life! 

Don’t let yourself be the victim to people or circumstances!  

Remember only you can take care of yourself! 

Make decisions and take actions that profit you, make you happy and lead to self growth & development. Only then will you live life to the fullest, achieve your goals and attain your maximum potential in life.
-BAMIDO BOROWA, 2017

Photo credit, Google.

​The Dawn of Valentine

It’s now 11:40pm and like every other night I lay on my bed, eyes wide open, writhing away in pain so intense that I bleed from every opening and feel the pangs through every fibre constituting my small compact but shredded body. Shredded by the invisible claws of sheer wickedness, wickedness begat from a love turned sour. As I bleed, both water and blood… and drowning away in my own thoughts and heart intent … I am jolted back to the present by the beep of my phone with its colourful light, as I lay down and find solace in the pitch darkness of my room. I look at the phone and it dawns on me – It is 11:55pm of February 13.

Then It crept into my mind, like a sweet peaceful flowing river and immediately; I jumped up… one by one I let go of every piece of covering holding me to my bed… after which I let go every bit of clothing clinging to my skin to afford me some means of comfort and warmth away from the cold night, the stone cold world and my ice cold heart. When I was done – as if instructed by an unseen being or unheard voice – I looked to the left and then to my right, while I let myself slip away through the door of my room. I continued down the hallway, strolling through the corridors with fire blazing from my eyes and finally, I let myself into the rushing harsh wind, away from the constraint of the walls of my building as I stand in the open, just as I had come into this world… and I let it all go…

… “I curse you today! I curse you with the curse of heaven! I curse you with the curse of the earth; I curse you with the curse of the night, the curse of the dead of the night! … I curse you with the blood that flows through and out of me! I curse you with every drop of water that passes through me! I curse you with the curse of silence! I curse you with the curse of pain! I curse you with the curse of nakedness! I curse you…” as I let out the last three words, I could feel my ice cold heart thaw away as I break down sobbing – it’s been a while I heard myself speak and let go of all the hate, pain and sorrow I had piled up in me for the past 12 months – the pendulum of 12:00am February 14 struck away as if feeling my pain and giving a response to my screams into the dead of the night. 

Oluwakemisola A.

10/02/17

6pm

My 2015 journey… it’s been fun all the way

Sometime last year, I ran for the post of welfare secretary in my association AMSUL. Although I didn’t win (lost to a senior colleague, more politically oriented by less than 30 votes) but in disguise was a bundle of blessing, promotion and more for me.

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Campaign pictures

 

So, my journey to this year stated from last year December on my trip to Calabar with beberhymes. There, I met a lot of people (people that taught me, sharpened me and made me see the world), I saw and learnt a lot of things. It was there I knew I could do anything, provided I wanted to, ‘cause I did a manifesto for a “stranger turn friend and sister”, without even knowing her or anything about the post I was running for her for. And taadaa!! I won, she won.

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Calabar, Tinapa!! wit beberhmes and de

This year started with me preparing for exams in school (life is hard but med school is harder… but we thank God), writing budgets, preparing and setting up committees. 2015 turned out to be the busiest year of my life so far. I really got involved in a whole lot of things, things I could not even think of in my wildest dreams. I went to places I never thought I would be, met people I didn’t think I would meet, I worked with a whole lot of different people of different hierarchy of life and professionality.

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SCORA EXCHANGE 2015!!!

 

I believe I became a better person. A person that could be stretched to her highest threshold and still function maximally. I became a stronger person, in will and in power. I met wonderful people. By the way, I got older too #sadsmile. I made my own connect, decision and plans. I also made mistakes and learnt from them 1st hand. I learnt political, organisations and planning ethics from the masters. I got to places I never thought I would go to or even enter, I stood before kings.

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MWAN BIENNIAL CONF. LOC 2015

Along the line, my professional exam results came out and amazingly, I PASSED! In all my travels, rigours and not been totally in school. God still showed me mercy and grace and I did not fail in any of my courses or endeavours, although all might not have turned out the exact way I planned but it all went well. For this, I bless God.IMG_20150410_234211

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Na Baba Loke

I was able to touch lives this year, with the help of amazing committee members, NiMSA Excos and members, friends, roommates and family. It was wonderful working with them all. I knew my strength and found my weaknesses. I did everything I had to do and became anything I had to become to make any of my programs a success, lol, literarily anything. I was a MC, a coordinator, a caterer, a cleaner, a marketer, a waitress, an usher, a PA, an errand girl and all sorts, just to get all things running and functioning…. Good, sweet, old memories. It was fun, all the way. I found out those I could trust with anything, who my real friends and helpers were. At the end, I found out nothing surpasses family. My sister was awesome towards the end of this year.

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#IStand walk with QC students
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SandraGee giving prize to students
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NiMSA NEC Meeting2015

Thanks to the 2015 NiMSA Excos, I also have sweet memories of travels round Nigeria and beyond. Days when we spent the night on the road (a lot on Benin-Ore road), night journeys that became morning journeys. Journeys that lead to destinations of better things ahead #smile. Days of late night movies and awesome daylight movies. Days of birthday dinners and old friends get-together. Days of surprise and impromptu journeys and events. Days of a whole lot more… I love my friends.

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Portharcourt with the fellass
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FAMSA, Benin Republic

Then I resumed clinicals, and whosoever said it was a chilling year, is a liar. I met the cool and hot doctors, the mean and unmean ones, saw the good, bad and ugly. I learnt everyone could not be saved, no matter how hard you try (some people just come in too late and are far gone beyond saving #sad)and also I learnt (in the clinic) that “everybody is guilty, until proven otherwise”… but in real life “everybody is innocent, until proven otherwise”. Endurance, perseverance and longsuffering is also key.

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SURGERY!!
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Endocrinology, at AandE…

In the Kingdom, I also made my impact, hopefully. After so many days of rehearsal and practising, I finally was able to play the role of the bride I was. It wasn’t easy, standing on the altar and dramatizing in front of the whole congregation, but God was faithful and true, we pulled it off well, thanks to my partner (the groom). Also I relented a bit in the things of the spirit, but towards the end I began picking up again. ALL will be WELL.

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Cooking competition, Writers Club was 1st

Now, in 2015, I felt every emotion there could be felt. I was sad, happy, excited, scared, fulfilled, disappointed, neglected, felt used, angry, depressed, expectant, praised, appreciated, loved, owned, elated, surprised, dragged, pushed, pulled, forced, liberated, begged,  wore out (to the extent that I lost track of myself, my personal life) and so on #smile… I saw, I learnt, above all I was sharpened and shapened.IMG_20150409_110527

Finally, I give thanks to God Almighty, who made it all possible and easy, cant still believe 2015 ends in less than 36hrs (without any of it consuming me or any part of me), my Mum, My Dad, My friends, sisters, colleagues (senior, junior…), mentors, teachers, roommates amongst others.

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Gees 21st Birthday Dinner…

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NiMSA Against Gender Based Violence Campaign
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MWAN, Sheraton.
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Girlfriends

I hope that 2016 is better off and more productive. Compliments of the season and happy New Year in advance fellas. And like I would always say, I LURRHH Y’ALL!!!

OLUWAKEMISOLA A.

30. 12. 2015

21:41:01