Tag Archives: goodlifestyle

WHEN I STARTED TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY “EVERY” ACTIONS…

​I will never forget and forever remain grateful for that fateful day in the year 2015, when I walked into Tunde’s clinic for the first time. And after several sessions with him, I realised that I had lived my whole life making certain mistakes.

I had made it part of me – my entire life – to blame situations or people for certain actions and thoughts of mine. Although it was a bit challenging but after several sessions; I came to a realisation, made decisions and ultimately took actions. I realised that, I could either continue to “brood about how unhappy my childhood was”, “about peoples actions towards me” or “certain unpleasant situations in my life” and allow all of that result in negative feelings of sadness, bitterness and anger which ultimately results into “certain wrong or irrational actions I took” or “I could start taking charge of my own actions and thoughts, controlling them, becoming the architect of my own life”. Hence, taking full responsibility for my actions. 

Over time, I’ve watched a lot of people make similar mistakes and it has become a thing of great concern to me; as I’ve watched people not live their lifes to the maximum potential due to these mistakes. 

Below are 5 of the common mistakes I’ve seen and heard people make:

1. The reason for my behaviour today and bitterness is because I had an unhappy/abusive/difficult childhood.

No doubts, early childhood environment and psychosocial development contribute a vital portion of an individual’s life, but at a certain point in your adult life; you need to stand up for your – own – self. Only “you” can do that, you owe it to yourself. You have to decide to be happy and take full responsibility for your actions and thoughts. Rather than using this reason as an excuse to be sad, bitter, angry, irritable and ultimately carrying out irrational, violent or wrong actions. The decision starts first with you. 

You can choose to be happy, get help, seek and learn from others who survived through similar challenges and inform yourself. All these can be challenging and not so easy, trust me I know, but they are crucial to healing, self-growth and development in order to live a life of full potential.

2. Please people, there are no such things as; “I don’t know what came over me” or “this was the work of the devil” or “I raped him/her because him/her tempted me or got naked in front of me” or “I killed/was violent to him/her because they annoyed me”…

All these are never excuses or reasons, they shouldn’t even be heard of at all because you ultimately performed that wrong action. There was always the option of “walking away from annoying, painful or tempting situations” or “deciding to just not do it”. But, it all comes down to the fact that; you thought about doing it in your head first, secondly you didn’t discard it, and then you made the final decision and eventually performed that wrong action. Never blame people for your actions!!!

3. I can’t love or trust again because someone broke my heart.

My dear, you are going to miss out on a whole lot in life and may not live life to the fullest if you continue with this notion. You do not have to allow the person that broke your heart continue to influence your present thoughts, decisions and actions, long after they’ve left you. Trust me, they aren’t worth it! It’s a choice you need to make now – by yourself – to grieve, let them go, move past them, pick up yourself, be happy, hope for the best in your subsequent relationships and love again. I personally do not believe in the “he/she broke my heart” line. I like to see it as “I let him/her break my heart” because I believe it’s “ultimately my decision” to be sad or unhappy despite whatever  someone has done to me and it’s my duty to take care of myself.

4. I showered him/her with gifts/money/time/commitment/my all and they just used me only for what I had to offer them.

No doubts, this can be a really unpleasant experience when we think about it. After given a lot to someone or a course, only to realise we were actually been deceived, used or manipulated but at the end of the day it is better we take responsibility and not blame them for whatever we are going through. Not disputing the fact that you may have been used but it also doesn’t change the fact that, “you are the one that eventually made the decision and action to give all these things willingly”. Think in the direction of; you will be smarter, more vigilant, well informed and be able to watch out for deception in your subsequent relationships and hence, will make better and well informed decisions and actions.

5. Ignorance 

Some people claim “ignorance” is the reason they involve in or carry out certain actions. Either “genuine ignorance” or “false ignorance” is never enough reason to carry out any wrong act. At some point in your adult life, you need to take charge of your life and actions, educate yourself, read books, be informed, ask questions, go to seminars & conferences, go out of your way to learn new things and be determined to do the right thing. The fact that you did not know something was wrong before doing it doesn’t make it excusable. 

In conclusion, have a positive attitude to life; no person or situation is ever a reason to influence your thoughts or actions negatively. It is best to learn to take responsibility for your own actions and thoughts as this makes you – more – in control of your life, to live life the way you want it and not just be as chaff that goes in any direction – people or situations blow them to go.
Be the architect of your own life! 

Don’t let yourself be the victim to people or circumstances!  

Remember only you can take care of yourself! 

Make decisions and take actions that profit you, make you happy and lead to self growth & development. Only then will you live life to the fullest, achieve your goals and attain your maximum potential in life.
-BAMIDO BOROWA, 2017

Photo credit, Google.

​FIFTY! THE MOVIE

Holla peepz! It’s been a while I wrote a movie review. So, this movie I want to talk about; I saw the trailer first when I went to see the movie I had my first review of and since then, I fell in love with it and have been looking forward to it. Yes! I am a sucker for Nigerian movies in the cinemas… weird… I know, but if I don’t support my own, who will? Lol.
Fifty. Let’s talk about the age first, and then we’ll move to the movie. A lecturer once followed a trend In class; of how we are so excited to grow up that even when we are 13, we say… we are GONNA BE 16, then we BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and your dreams are gone, then we MAKE IT TO 60, HIT 70… After which it’s a day-by-day thing, then we GET INTO our 80’s and every day is a complete cycle, where you HIT lunch! Into the 90s, you start going backwards, like “I Was JUST 92”. Then it eventually happens… you MAKE IT OVER 100! You become a little kid again, “I’m 100 and a half!”. You start thinking in fractions like you did when you were under 10. Isn’t life and ageing – or growing up, like some would say – not sooo funny? The whole point of this story is that REACHING 50 is an important landmark in life and a phase that comes with different challenges. It’s a big deal, not overrated.

Fifty is no child’s play… We mean business!
The movie started out intriguing and there were 4 major fifty characters. One, who was already 50, the hot-rich-obstetrician and gynecologist – Ireti Doyle as Elizabeth – who has this “hotter young boyfriend” and an “almost” impossible daughter (that is by the way because, in her way of hooking up with younger men, her daughter caught her in the “very act” with her boyfriend; yeah, it wasn’t a pleasant sight. Imagine walking in on your mom on her knees having sex with your boyfriend…). Then, the workaholic – Omoni Oboli as Maria – who turned 50, has nothing much going in her life and was having an affair with her friend’s husband. 

There is also the eccentric one – Dakore Akande as Tola, turning 50 too soon – with underlying family and psychological issues and still put up a façade for the world to see and believe; while she rots inside with her mums “help”… (by the way, she is the one whose husband is been slept with by a friend, while she blames another friend and she has a son for her father… amazing, isn’t it?). And finally, there is the one in denial – Nse Ikpe Etim as Kate – who thinks God is unhappy with her and spends all her life in the “house of the Lord”, while her own house crumble under her feet… earnestly praying for healing without her husband knowledge of her troubles (and she was the gullible one been accused falsely of cheating with her friend’s husband… sad, Isn’t it?).

A scene with RFT, the falsely accused friend and the estranged Husband
Ok, I have like summarized the whole point of the movie but it would be great if you see it, ‘cause it relates to what women in different levels and phases of life go through at the golden age of 50 – reminds me of “Lagos Cougars”, another must see movie.

What I loved about the movie; it was realistic, although not to the end (I don’t think a 50 year old in Nigeria would want to blow out her 50th birthday cake candle in a night club… maybe the trend is changing though)… the beginning was intriguing and captivating, I anticipated a whole lot more fascinating ending. My best character was Ireti Doyle; she acted like she was 50, her level of friendship with her friends is #Goals and the way she switches between her Yoruba, Pidgin and English… that was epic! And the best part was when she was signing an autograph for the lady that “would be 23 in like 10 months away” and she gave that cute sarcastic answer. I also loved the King Sunny Ade, Nneka, Aunty Tiwa and Waje’s part.

Shades of glamour and class…
What I didn’t quite enjoy was the too emotional Nse Ikpe-Etim, the gambling part of her husband and their bankruptcy story – I didn’t so get the thread of that story line. The over dramatic RFT – Rich and Fabulous Tola and her totally “unturned” abuse story, also the “almost to the end” story line between her husband and her friend – the signal it’s meant to pass… I don’t quite go along with it; it has an undertone of getting away with adultery #MyOpinion.

In all, I liked or rather, lurrh’d the movie! I enjoyed it and it is a classic – to me – and I would rate it, a 7.5 over 10 (that’s a distinction) Good work Ms. Producer and story/script writer. Keep it up!

…when you are beautiful and you know it…
That would be all for now… Remember to enjoy every day as you grow old, ‘cause you can never go back to been 21or 50 and you only live once.
Oluwakemisola A.

January 2016

CLEANINESS AND CAUTIOUSNESS: The Neglected Panacea

To be clean and cautious is a sure way to avert various ailments. Apart from genetically inherited and inborn errors/congenital diseases, most of the present ailments are caused by our neglect and nonchalance towards our hygiene, life style and careful living. Our daily dealings and activities should therefore be governed by clean and positive attitude, towards all things. Application of these attitudes includes:

Personal hygiene: Everyday as humans, we find ourselves involved in one activity or the other which exposes us to a lot of things. We come in contact with various dirty, infectious and unhealthy things, inhaling unclean or contaminated air, contact with dirty people, touching dirty and infected things etc.
Dirt is a gateway to germs and infections; therefore we need to take our personal hygiene serious. Starting from washing of hand regularly (before and after eating, before and after cooking before and after using the toilet and so on. Wash hands when necessary or deemed fit). Proper body and tooth washing (at least once a day, with the right materials/products), appearing in clean outfits and other hygienic activity such as exercise and so on should also be observed.

Home and environmental hygiene: most people take care of their homes but neglect their environment. Forgetting that “charity begins from home”. We should endeavour to keep our homes and environment clean and free from infection all together, in the sense of clearing out drainages (and not contributing to the littering or blockage with dirts), proper waste and sewage disposal, clearing of stagnant waters, cutting down bushes, removal of breeding cobwebs and carrying out all process of environmental sanitation in general. This way, we would be able to control carriers and vectors of diseases such as Lassa fever, Malaria, cholera etc. (by rodents, insects and infectious microbes with their abodes in dirty environment or conditions).

Water and food hygiene: in our modern world today, there are a lot of things to eat. Apart from learning to eat right and eat healthy (not giving involved into many junks and neglecting fruits and vegetables), we need to also pay close attention to the supply and preparation of our edible products. That is, clean utensils for cooking, closely monitored process and preparation of food and water, conducive and effective storage of all edible supplies, consciousness of life span and effective duration of manufactured product (check for expiry date of all products), watch and inspect all fresh and unprocessed food and ingredients before use or consumption and all the likes. If all this precautions are taken, we would be able to avoid food and water contamination or poisoning which could lead to various malaises of the GIT, Cholera, typhoid, dysentery etc.

For precautions, we should be careful and alert in all our dealings, especially in this highly contagious period. Therefore, tips for precaution include:

1. Immunization for children against rampant diseases amongst them e.g. polio

2. Vaccination for yourself and family members e.g. hepatitis B. Caution, wisdom and care in dealing with people, especially the sick ones (to avoid contact diseases).

3. Abstain from all forms of unhealthy sexual activities such as exposure to sex at a young age which can predispose to various cancers, multiple and unhealthy sexual partners and patterns, unprotected sexual activities, homosexuality to avoid all forms of STDs, STIs and as well cancers, which could all lead to death.

4. Modify your life style to a healthy one. Stop all harmful and unhealthy activities to the body for example, intake of tobacco, cigarette, marijuana (with rebranded and modified names such as SK, weed, blunts etc.) and all types of hard drugs and harmful substances should be totally avoided or stopped. This will save many from deterioration of their vital organs, cancers and the likes of it that will eventually lead to death.

5. Be alert and observant. Do regular self-examination, go for medical check-up regularly, notice changes in you, people around you and in your environment, if anything seems wrong call for help and medical attention. Remember, a stitch in time saves nine and an infection or disease detected at an early stage and treated in time saves lives. Don’t wait until the condition is worse and there is no remedy.

Help yourself, help someone else. Cleanliness is next to godliness, so also is Cautiousness next to safety. Be Clean, Cautious and Careful, save a life today and let’s make our world a better place.