I tried it just once and the gallows kept calling for me…
For once, I took that turn
And I was turned forever.
Just once, I looked to you
And you got me hooked on you.
Just once, I let you go
And you left, without looking back.
Just once, I let you in
And out, you left in me a seed.
A seed that grew into a tree I couldn’t hew down…
Just once, just that once…
And my whole being spun at once.
Just once, just that once,
I got scars to nurse.
Just once, just that once…
I can no longer take a step back
Dedicated to everyone that made a “one-time decision or mistake” at a point or the other in their lifetime, that left indelible marks in your lives – in whatever area (career, education, relationships, marriage, religion… And so on)
I will never forget and forever remain grateful for that fateful day in the year 2015, when I walked into Tunde’s clinic for the first time. And after several sessions with him, I realised that I had lived my whole life making certain mistakes.
I had made it part of me – my entire life – to blame situations or people for certain actions and thoughts of mine. Although it was a bit challenging but after several sessions; I came to a realisation, made decisions and ultimately took actions. I realised that, I could either continue to “brood about how unhappy my childhood was”, “about peoples actions towards me” or “certain unpleasant situations in my life” and allow all of that result in negative feelings of sadness, bitterness and anger which ultimately results into “certain wrong or irrational actions I took” or “I could start taking charge of my own actions and thoughts, controlling them, becoming the architect of my own life”. Hence, taking full responsibility for my actions.
Over time, I’ve watched a lot of people make similar mistakes and it has become a thing of great concern to me; as I’ve watched people not live their lifes to the maximum potential due to these mistakes.
Below are 5 of the common mistakes I’ve seen and heard people make:
1. The reason for my behaviour today and bitterness is because I had an unhappy/abusive/difficult childhood.
No doubts, early childhood environment and psychosocial development contribute a vital portion of an individual’s life, but at a certain point in your adult life; you need to stand up for your – own – self. Only “you” can do that, you owe it to yourself. You have to decide to be happy and take full responsibility for your actions and thoughts. Rather than using this reason as an excuse to be sad, bitter, angry, irritable and ultimately carrying out irrational, violent or wrong actions. The decision starts first with you.
You can choose to be happy, get help, seek and learn from others who survived through similar challenges and inform yourself. All these can be challenging and not so easy, trust me I know, but they are crucial to healing, self-growth and development in order to live a life of full potential.
2. Please people, there are no such things as; “I don’t know what came over me” or “this was the work of the devil” or “I raped him/her because him/her tempted me or got naked in front of me” or “I killed/was violent to him/her because they annoyed me”…
All these are never excuses or reasons, they shouldn’t even be heard of at all because you ultimately performed that wrong action. There was always the option of “walking away from annoying, painful or tempting situations” or “deciding to just not do it”. But, it all comes down to the fact that; you thought about doing it in your head first, secondly you didn’t discard it, and then you made the final decision and eventually performed that wrong action. Never blame people for your actions!!!
3. I can’t love or trust again because someone broke my heart.
My dear, you are going to miss out on a whole lot in life and may not live life to the fullest if you continue with this notion. You do not have to allow the person that broke your heart continue to influence your present thoughts, decisions and actions, long after they’ve left you. Trust me, they aren’t worth it! It’s a choice you need to make now – by yourself – to grieve, let them go, move past them, pick up yourself, be happy, hope for the best in your subsequent relationships and love again. I personally do not believe in the “he/she broke my heart” line. I like to see it as “I let him/her break my heart” because I believe it’s “ultimately my decision” to be sad or unhappy despite whatever someone has done to me and it’s my duty to take care of myself.
4. I showered him/her with gifts/money/time/commitment/my all and they just used me only for what I had to offer them.
No doubts, this can be a really unpleasant experience when we think about it. After given a lot to someone or a course, only to realise we were actually been deceived, used or manipulated but at the end of the day it is better we take responsibility and not blame them for whatever we are going through. Not disputing the fact that you may have been used but it also doesn’t change the fact that, “you are the one that eventually made the decision and action to give all these things willingly”. Think in the direction of; you will be smarter, more vigilant, well informed and be able to watch out for deception in your subsequent relationships and hence, will make better and well informed decisions and actions.
Some people claim “ignorance” is the reason they involve in or carry out certain actions. Either “genuine ignorance” or “false ignorance” is never enough reason to carry out any wrong act. At some point in your adult life, you need to take charge of your life and actions, educate yourself, read books, be informed, ask questions, go to seminars & conferences, go out of your way to learn new things and be determined to do the right thing. The fact that you did not know something was wrong before doing it doesn’t make it excusable.
In conclusion, have a positive attitude to life; no person or situation is ever a reason to influence your thoughts or actions negatively. It is best to learn to take responsibility for your own actions and thoughts as this makes you – more – in control of your life, to live life the way you want it and not just be as chaff that goes in any direction – people or situations blow them to go. Be the architect of your own life!
Don’t let yourself be the victim to people or circumstances!
Remember only you can take care of yourself!
Make decisions and take actions that profit you, make you happy and lead to self growth & development. Only then will you live life to the fullest, achieve your goals and attain your maximum potential in life.
-BAMIDO BOROWA, 2017
Holla peepz! It’s been a while I wrote a movie review. So, this movie I want to talk about; I saw the trailer first when I went to see the movie I had my first review of and since then, I fell in love with it and have been looking forward to it. Yes! I am a sucker for Nigerian movies in the cinemas… weird… I know, but if I don’t support my own, who will? Lol.
Fifty. Let’s talk about the age first, and then we’ll move to the movie. A lecturer once followed a trend In class; of how we are so excited to grow up that even when we are 13, we say… we are GONNA BE 16, then we BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and your dreams are gone, then we MAKE IT TO 60, HIT 70… After which it’s a day-by-day thing, then we GET INTO our 80’s and every day is a complete cycle, where you HIT lunch! Into the 90s, you start going backwards, like “I Was JUST 92”. Then it eventually happens… you MAKE IT OVER 100! You become a little kid again, “I’m 100 and a half!”. You start thinking in fractions like you did when you were under 10. Isn’t life and ageing – or growing up, like some would say – not sooo funny? The whole point of this story is that REACHING 50 is an important landmark in life and a phase that comes with different challenges. It’s a big deal, not overrated.
The movie started out intriguing and there were 4 major fifty characters. One, who was already 50, the hot-rich-obstetrician and gynecologist – Ireti Doyle as Elizabeth – who has this “hotter young boyfriend” and an “almost” impossible daughter (that is by the way because, in her way of hooking up with younger men, her daughter caught her in the “very act” with her boyfriend; yeah, it wasn’t a pleasant sight. Imagine walking in on your mom on her knees having sex with your boyfriend…). Then, the workaholic – Omoni Oboli as Maria – who turned 50, has nothing much going in her life and was having an affair with her friend’s husband.
There is also the eccentric one – Dakore Akande as Tola, turning 50 too soon – with underlying family and psychological issues and still put up a façade for the world to see and believe; while she rots inside with her mums “help”… (by the way, she is the one whose husband is been slept with by a friend, while she blames another friend and she has a son for her father… amazing, isn’t it?). And finally, there is the one in denial – Nse Ikpe Etim as Kate – who thinks God is unhappy with her and spends all her life in the “house of the Lord”, while her own house crumble under her feet… earnestly praying for healing without her husband knowledge of her troubles (and she was the gullible one been accused falsely of cheating with her friend’s husband… sad, Isn’t it?).
Ok, I have like summarized the whole point of the movie but it would be great if you see it, ‘cause it relates to what women in different levels and phases of life go through at the golden age of 50 – reminds me of “Lagos Cougars”, another must see movie.
What I loved about the movie; it was realistic, although not to the end (I don’t think a 50 year old in Nigeria would want to blow out her 50th birthday cake candle in a night club… maybe the trend is changing though)… the beginning was intriguing and captivating, I anticipated a whole lot more fascinating ending. My best character was Ireti Doyle; she acted like she was 50, her level of friendship with her friends is #Goals and the way she switches between her Yoruba, Pidgin and English… that was epic! And the best part was when she was signing an autograph for the lady that “would be 23 in like 10 months away” and she gave that cute sarcastic answer. I also loved the King Sunny Ade, Nneka, Aunty Tiwa and Waje’s part.
What I didn’t quite enjoy was the too emotional Nse Ikpe-Etim, the gambling part of her husband and their bankruptcy story – I didn’t so get the thread of that story line. The over dramatic RFT – Rich and Fabulous Tola and her totally “unturned” abuse story, also the “almost to the end” story line between her husband and her friend – the signal it’s meant to pass… I don’t quite go along with it; it has an undertone of getting away with adultery #MyOpinion.
In all, I liked or rather, lurrh’d the movie! I enjoyed it and it is a classic – to me – and I would rate it, a 7.5 over 10 (that’s a distinction) Good work Ms. Producer and story/script writer. Keep it up!
That would be all for now… Remember to enjoy every day as you grow old, ‘cause you can never go back to been 21or 50 and you only live once.
It’s now 11:40pm and like every other night I lay on my bed, eyes wide open, writhing away in pain so intense that I bleed from every opening and feel the pangs through every fibre constituting my small compact but shredded body. Shredded by the invisible claws of sheer wickedness, wickedness begat from a love turned sour. As I bleed, both water and blood… and drowning away in my own thoughts and heart intent … I am jolted back to the present by the beep of my phone with its colourful light, as I lay down and find solace in the pitch darkness of my room. I look at the phone and it dawns on me – It is 11:55pm of February 13.
Then It crept into my mind, like a sweet peaceful flowing river and immediately; I jumped up… one by one I let go of every piece of covering holding me to my bed… after which I let go every bit of clothing clinging to my skin to afford me some means of comfort and warmth away from the cold night, the stone cold world and my ice cold heart. When I was done – as if instructed by an unseen being or unheard voice – I looked to the left and then to my right, while I let myself slip away through the door of my room. I continued down the hallway, strolling through the corridors with fire blazing from my eyes and finally, I let myself into the rushing harsh wind, away from the constraint of the walls of my building as I stand in the open, just as I had come into this world… and I let it all go…
… “I curse you today! I curse you with the curse of heaven! I curse you with the curse of the earth; I curse you with the curse of the night, the curse of the dead of the night! … I curse you with the blood that flows through and out of me! I curse you with every drop of water that passes through me! I curse you with the curse of silence! I curse you with the curse of pain! I curse you with the curse of nakedness! I curse you…” as I let out the last three words, I could feel my ice cold heart thaw away as I break down sobbing – it’s been a while I heard myself speak and let go of all the hate, pain and sorrow I had piled up in me for the past 12 months – the pendulum of 12:00am February 14 struck away as if feeling my pain and giving a response to my screams into the dead of the night.
I know I have been, an unfaithful end of the year/beginning of the New Year lover to my blog and readers… but please forgive me; believe me it wasn’t my fault… I am just overwhelmingly busy and choked with activities. Trust me.
So a recap of my year, as usual. First, I want to thank Almighty God – My Jehovah Le Epic – for the Gift of life, good health, sanity, family, friends, helpers and awesome team members (in all ramifications). I always thought last year (2015) was the height and limit of stretch point but alas! This year made me know my threshold was 200%. LOL.
Let’s start from school; my year started with us resuming into 500level, it was a new ball game entirely! Community health was… different, every trip and posting was a hit, back to back, from HMPD (Mama Campbell and Co.) to MCH to PPPHC to Urban (Somolu) to rural (Pakoto) to GMP (Ijegun) and even my undergraduate project (which by the way, a lot of people were surprised I finished it at the stipulated time, as busy and unavailable as I was) and then the great psychiatry. School this year, although almost always on the road, draining and tiring… but I enjoyed myself all the way.
Let’s talk about politics (also by the way I hate been referred to as a politician, please, don’t call me that.) and the different things I was involved in this year. LOL. First, I think the best that happened to me was to be appointed as the “Liaison Officer to Partners for NiMSA” (Trust me, it’s worth all the stress), my office as the Chairperson of SCOPUB – FAMSA too exposed me to one or two things I didn’t know before. Then, The Press Club Unilag – my first love ever; all my days as the Welfare Secretary, I don’t regret and even now as the VP/Editor-in-Chief, I would give my best, because when all was down, that was a family that stood by me, taught me and held me up.
MWAN!!! This year had drama… but in all, it was fun!!! I ate, I lounged, I dinned with the la crème de la crème and the porsche de la porsche (if there is anything like that… LOL) of Nigeria’s very own medical women. Shout out to Dr Abiola, Dr Oyalowo and my ever loving Dr Oludare.
Now events; which was the highlights of the year… everything was a hit! Back to back! From the SCOPI Outreach program (shoutout to the team and SCOPI-D, Ojo Roland – Surest bae of 2016), to IPAS FBO SHRH Training (Shout out to Mr Edosa, his team, and the entire NiMSA crew – Sam, Haruna, Hamzy also costly and funmi… ), to SCOPI National Conference, to the 5th Ngozi Agbo Media Lecture, to MWAN AGSM, to NiMSA FIS even to church programs and friends’ weddings … I Bless God for the amazing success of all and all the team members I had… y’all are the best!
Moving onto travels. This year my travelling was limited but the year started with ABJ (which I think was my best so far, the luxury was on point…), then different conference trips to Accra (was a road trip #MyWestAfricaTour and was #ThaBomb!) and Teshie, Ghana (where I presented and met some really cool people), then there was Ogbomosho (LAUTECH), also Babcock, Ilisan (the experience there was… hilarious in a cute new way, #DatsAll. LOL), then the UI and OAU tour one weekend with my TPC family (was fun, sporadic and crazy!), then I got banned from travelling for the rest of the year, so I missed Zaria, Sagamu and Burkina Faso… #sad.
Things I learnt from the year;
Help comes from unexpected places and people, and undiluted strength and comfort only comes from GOD Almighty.
Don’t base your happiness, functionality or productivity on people; people fail, people disappoint, people discourage, people push you down, people backbite, people desert you, people do all sort of crazy things (lol… #Memories…) but only GOD and your family would not. Trust me. Trust God.
Live your life, do whatever makes you happy and fulfilled, don’t think of negativity of what people will say, do or are saying or doing… either ways #WhoDeyEpp?… ‘cause at the end of the day, it’s “your” life and “only you” and “you alone” would give account for it.
Brace Up, Do Your Thing, today may look gloomy and tedious with setbacks but your reward is on its way! Just be strong and believe.
Okay, finally let’s talk about parties I enjoyed for the year, I think apart from weddings, the best was my baby’s (OgheneNyerhovwo) birthday and then the various dinners… #DatsAll… This post wouldn’t be complete without mentioning some other great people to me in 2016, in person of, Dr Esiet and AHI team, Dr Odeyemi, Mr Ogunronbi, all the UNFPA Lagos Team, My two sisters (Bisi and Pelumi, they are savers!), NiMSA FIS LOC (I LOVE YOU ALL!!!), FAMSA and NiMSA peeps (y’all are the real MVP #kisses), my epic roommates (the 534 crew… y’all loved me and took me as I am… I love you all!!!) And my awesome friends… you all know yourselves… y’all were my hold, I love you… #InTears
On a final note; I was deserted, stretched, embittered, taken for granted, tried new things, learnt new things, went to new places, meet new people… I cried, went hungry, sick and almost severely depressed or manic… but God was epic in his compensations to me and he saw me through it all.
So brethren, sit up, look straight, tidy your crown, hold up your glass… as we gallantly step into the New Year with grand style. Cheers! to the New Year people.
God bless you and the works of your hands.
OLUWAKEMISOLA A. … I Luurrhhh y’all!!! happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!
Thinking of me with you (him)…
I have broken so many rules,
I have gone out my way not a few times
I have done things I’m not supposed to do.
Thinking of me without you;
I was just a lonely girl, an innocent sweet little creature,
Trying to find life, be happy and free.
Thinking of me being with you;
That brought out another part of me,
A part that I believe is strong enough and can resist anything.
Thinking of me after being with you
I don’t know what to feel;
Whether, hate, remorse, dread, regret, like or whatever
But certainly not love.
Thinking of me and you in the outside world
We are just like strangers,
Who has never met or spoken
And still, we get on like it’s absolutely nothing.
Thinking of me seeing you again,
Makes my heart skip and my head spin
But the moment I see you
My heart race for a few seconds
And I become cold and calm like nothing happened.
Thoughts of coming to see you again
Its like, am I mad?
Certainly not. I’m not. So I stay clear, off.
Even though somehow I think I’m enjoying the flirting idea.
Thoughts of you getting angry with me
Though it disturbs my spirit,
But I still can live with it.
Than having to live with regrets
Like me beating myself day after day.
Thoughts of not speaking to you.
Well, if you don’t talk to me
I will speak to you
Can’t just forget my baby sweetheart,
Cause most things were first times with you (him)
Thoughts of the whole scenario in my head,
I decide to spit it out.
But to who?…
To my friends, my babies and somehow,
They weigh more than they do.
And the more I let it out, the more I become lighter…
So now with all these thoughts,
What are you to me?
What am I to you?
And what are we in conclusion?
This fleeting world
…It’s eluding me
I say life is just a pot of beans
But more than a steaming pot of hot beans
It’s like a beautiful lady
And beauty is fading
Fading away in vanity
All is vanity, vanity upon vanity.
This remorseful life (full of regrets)
Living at the edge of it
I could tilt over anytime from now
But being held back by the string of hope
Hope of the morrow
Hope of forever
Hope of immortality
This sober life
Sad in all its shades
Deep In all its form
But not to wallow in it.
Life is life
But glints of Light spark it up
Life oh life