Tag Archives: love

WHEN I STARTED TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY “EVERY” ACTIONS…

​I will never forget and forever remain grateful for that fateful day in the year 2015, when I walked into Tunde’s clinic for the first time. And after several sessions with him, I realised that I had lived my whole life making certain mistakes.

I had made it part of me – my entire life – to blame situations or people for certain actions and thoughts of mine. Although it was a bit challenging but after several sessions; I came to a realisation, made decisions and ultimately took actions. I realised that, I could either continue to “brood about how unhappy my childhood was”, “about peoples actions towards me” or “certain unpleasant situations in my life” and allow all of that result in negative feelings of sadness, bitterness and anger which ultimately results into “certain wrong or irrational actions I took” or “I could start taking charge of my own actions and thoughts, controlling them, becoming the architect of my own life”. Hence, taking full responsibility for my actions. 

Over time, I’ve watched a lot of people make similar mistakes and it has become a thing of great concern to me; as I’ve watched people not live their lifes to the maximum potential due to these mistakes. 

Below are 5 of the common mistakes I’ve seen and heard people make:

1. The reason for my behaviour today and bitterness is because I had an unhappy/abusive/difficult childhood.

No doubts, early childhood environment and psychosocial development contribute a vital portion of an individual’s life, but at a certain point in your adult life; you need to stand up for your – own – self. Only “you” can do that, you owe it to yourself. You have to decide to be happy and take full responsibility for your actions and thoughts. Rather than using this reason as an excuse to be sad, bitter, angry, irritable and ultimately carrying out irrational, violent or wrong actions. The decision starts first with you. 

You can choose to be happy, get help, seek and learn from others who survived through similar challenges and inform yourself. All these can be challenging and not so easy, trust me I know, but they are crucial to healing, self-growth and development in order to live a life of full potential.

2. Please people, there are no such things as; “I don’t know what came over me” or “this was the work of the devil” or “I raped him/her because him/her tempted me or got naked in front of me” or “I killed/was violent to him/her because they annoyed me”…

All these are never excuses or reasons, they shouldn’t even be heard of at all because you ultimately performed that wrong action. There was always the option of “walking away from annoying, painful or tempting situations” or “deciding to just not do it”. But, it all comes down to the fact that; you thought about doing it in your head first, secondly you didn’t discard it, and then you made the final decision and eventually performed that wrong action. Never blame people for your actions!!!

3. I can’t love or trust again because someone broke my heart.

My dear, you are going to miss out on a whole lot in life and may not live life to the fullest if you continue with this notion. You do not have to allow the person that broke your heart continue to influence your present thoughts, decisions and actions, long after they’ve left you. Trust me, they aren’t worth it! It’s a choice you need to make now – by yourself – to grieve, let them go, move past them, pick up yourself, be happy, hope for the best in your subsequent relationships and love again. I personally do not believe in the “he/she broke my heart” line. I like to see it as “I let him/her break my heart” because I believe it’s “ultimately my decision” to be sad or unhappy despite whatever  someone has done to me and it’s my duty to take care of myself.

4. I showered him/her with gifts/money/time/commitment/my all and they just used me only for what I had to offer them.

No doubts, this can be a really unpleasant experience when we think about it. After given a lot to someone or a course, only to realise we were actually been deceived, used or manipulated but at the end of the day it is better we take responsibility and not blame them for whatever we are going through. Not disputing the fact that you may have been used but it also doesn’t change the fact that, “you are the one that eventually made the decision and action to give all these things willingly”. Think in the direction of; you will be smarter, more vigilant, well informed and be able to watch out for deception in your subsequent relationships and hence, will make better and well informed decisions and actions.

5. Ignorance 

Some people claim “ignorance” is the reason they involve in or carry out certain actions. Either “genuine ignorance” or “false ignorance” is never enough reason to carry out any wrong act. At some point in your adult life, you need to take charge of your life and actions, educate yourself, read books, be informed, ask questions, go to seminars & conferences, go out of your way to learn new things and be determined to do the right thing. The fact that you did not know something was wrong before doing it doesn’t make it excusable. 

In conclusion, have a positive attitude to life; no person or situation is ever a reason to influence your thoughts or actions negatively. It is best to learn to take responsibility for your own actions and thoughts as this makes you – more – in control of your life, to live life the way you want it and not just be as chaff that goes in any direction – people or situations blow them to go.
Be the architect of your own life! 

Don’t let yourself be the victim to people or circumstances!  

Remember only you can take care of yourself! 

Make decisions and take actions that profit you, make you happy and lead to self growth & development. Only then will you live life to the fullest, achieve your goals and attain your maximum potential in life.
-BAMIDO BOROWA, 2017

Photo credit, Google.

​The Dawn of Valentine

It’s now 11:40pm and like every other night I lay on my bed, eyes wide open, writhing away in pain so intense that I bleed from every opening and feel the pangs through every fibre constituting my small compact but shredded body. Shredded by the invisible claws of sheer wickedness, wickedness begat from a love turned sour. As I bleed, both water and blood… and drowning away in my own thoughts and heart intent … I am jolted back to the present by the beep of my phone with its colourful light, as I lay down and find solace in the pitch darkness of my room. I look at the phone and it dawns on me – It is 11:55pm of February 13.

Then It crept into my mind, like a sweet peaceful flowing river and immediately; I jumped up… one by one I let go of every piece of covering holding me to my bed… after which I let go every bit of clothing clinging to my skin to afford me some means of comfort and warmth away from the cold night, the stone cold world and my ice cold heart. When I was done – as if instructed by an unseen being or unheard voice – I looked to the left and then to my right, while I let myself slip away through the door of my room. I continued down the hallway, strolling through the corridors with fire blazing from my eyes and finally, I let myself into the rushing harsh wind, away from the constraint of the walls of my building as I stand in the open, just as I had come into this world… and I let it all go…

… “I curse you today! I curse you with the curse of heaven! I curse you with the curse of the earth; I curse you with the curse of the night, the curse of the dead of the night! … I curse you with the blood that flows through and out of me! I curse you with every drop of water that passes through me! I curse you with the curse of silence! I curse you with the curse of pain! I curse you with the curse of nakedness! I curse you…” as I let out the last three words, I could feel my ice cold heart thaw away as I break down sobbing – it’s been a while I heard myself speak and let go of all the hate, pain and sorrow I had piled up in me for the past 12 months – the pendulum of 12:00am February 14 struck away as if feeling my pain and giving a response to my screams into the dead of the night. 

Oluwakemisola A.

10/02/17

6pm

2016 has come and gone; cheers to the New Year

I know I have been, an unfaithful end of the year/beginning of the New Year lover to my blog and readers… but please forgive me; believe me it wasn’t my fault… I am just overwhelmingly busy and choked with activities. Trust me.

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So many great people in one picture… #Greatness #StartedFromTheBottomNowWeAreHere

So a recap of my year, as usual. First, I want to thank Almighty God – My Jehovah Le Epic – for the Gift of life, good health, sanity, family, friends, helpers and awesome team members (in all ramifications). I always thought last year (2015) was the height and limit of stretch point but alas! This year made me know my threshold was 200%. LOL.

 

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With NiMSA and FAMSA Excos… Caption our faces… #LOL

 

 

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#lol… she is my sister, best ever and the other is my “iya oko”… BTW tomorrow is her Birthday #Jan1Baby

 

Let’s start from school; my year started with us resuming into 500level, it was a new ball game entirely! Community health was… different, every trip and posting was a hit, back to back, from HMPD (Mama Campbell and Co.) to MCH to PPPHC to Urban (Somolu) to rural (Pakoto) to GMP (Ijegun) and even my undergraduate project (which by the way, a lot of people were surprised I finished it at the stipulated time, as busy and unavailable as I was) and then the great psychiatry. School this year, although almost always on the road, draining and tiring… but I enjoyed myself all the way.

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So that’s Brammy my bae, haruna another bae, Sheila my roommie, borowa my Bunkie, lizzy, funmi, minkky, costly, Sam, Dammie my teamies and Ogbeni Agbaje!… this picture is full of baes!

 

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So many women leaders… so many stories… all in one piece…

 

Let’s talk about politics (also by the way I hate been referred to as a politician, please, don’t call me that.) and the different things I was involved in this year. LOL. First, I think the best that happened to me was to be appointed as the “Liaison Officer to Partners for NiMSA” (Trust me, it’s worth all the stress), my office as the Chairperson of SCOPUB – FAMSA too exposed me to one or two things I didn’t know before. Then, The Press Club Unilag – my first love ever; all my days as the Welfare Secretary, I don’t regret and even now as the VP/Editor-in-Chief, I would give my best, because when all was down, that was a family that stood by me, taught me and held me up.

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me with The Press Club UNILAG fam… #TPC on tour in UI and to OAU

 

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Old picture but new caption and recent Campaign…

 

MWAN!!! This year had drama… but in all, it was fun!!! I ate, I lounged, I dinned with the la crème de la crème and the porsche de la porsche (if there is anything like that… LOL) of Nigeria’s very own medical women. Shout out to Dr Abiola, Dr Oyalowo and my ever loving Dr Oludare.

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Dr. Yetunde Ayo-Oyalowo and Dr. Yetunde Oludare… both of them are a source of inspiration to me…
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Yeah… that’s me, at the same event… looking all stressed up #coversFace, no time for facebeat sef #unlook

Now events; which was the highlights of the year… everything was a hit! Back to back! From the SCOPI Outreach program (shoutout to the team and SCOPI-D, Ojo Roland – Surest bae of 2016), to IPAS FBO SHRH Training (Shout out to Mr Edosa, his team, and the entire NiMSA crew – Sam, Haruna, Hamzy also costly and funmi… ), to SCOPI National Conference, to the 5th Ngozi Agbo Media Lecture, to MWAN AGSM, to NiMSA FIS even to church programs and friends’ weddings … I Bless God for the amazing success  of all and all the team members I had… y’all are the best!

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so much life! like when you see me… #kisses
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Beautiful people! so much smile… #smiles #memories

Moving onto travels. This year my travelling was limited but the year started with ABJ (which I think was my best so far, the luxury was on point…), then different conference trips to Accra (was a road trip #MyWestAfricaTour and was #ThaBomb!) and Teshie, Ghana (where I presented and met some really cool people), then there was Ogbomosho (LAUTECH), also Babcock, Ilisan (the experience there was… hilarious in a cute new way, #DatsAll. LOL), then the UI and OAU tour one weekend with my TPC family (was fun, sporadic and crazy!), then I got banned from travelling for the rest of the year, so I missed Zaria, Sagamu and Burkina Faso… #sad.

 

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me fooling myself… #LOL

 

 

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Happy People!!! Different expressions #LOL

 

Things I learnt from the year;

  1. Help comes from unexpected places and people, and undiluted strength and comfort only comes from GOD Almighty.
  2. Don’t base your happiness, functionality or productivity on people; people fail, people disappoint, people discourage, people push you down, people backbite, people desert you, people do all sort of crazy things (lol… #Memories…) but only GOD and your family would not. Trust me. Trust God.
  3. Live your life, do whatever makes you happy and fulfilled, don’t think of negativity of what people will say, do or are saying or doing… either ways #WhoDeyEpp?… ‘cause at the end of the day, it’s “your” life and “only you” and “you alone” would give account for it.
  4. Brace Up, Do Your Thing, today may look gloomy and tedious with setbacks but your reward is on its way! Just be strong and believe.
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3 strong women… although Bisola doesn’t like this… but she loves me… I love you too! #kisses

 

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Ms. Megbope spoke to my soul… one of the realest convo I had this year… God bless you wherever you are Ma. #Inspiration

 

Okay, finally let’s talk about parties I enjoyed for the year, I think apart from weddings, the best was my baby’s (OgheneNyerhovwo) birthday and then the various dinners… #DatsAll… This post wouldn’t be complete without mentioning some other great people to me in 2016, in person of, Dr Esiet and AHI team, Dr Odeyemi, Mr Ogunronbi, all the UNFPA Lagos Team, My two sisters (Bisi and Pelumi, they are savers!), NiMSA FIS LOC (I LOVE YOU ALL!!!), FAMSA and NiMSA peeps (y’all are the real MVP #kisses), my epic roommates (the 534 crew… y’all loved me and took me as I am… I love you all!!!) And my awesome friends… you all know yourselves… y’all were my hold, I love you… #InTears

 

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yeah, that’s me rocking the NiMSA shirt, my roommie Pst Faith and Stanley at SCOPI Outreach…

 

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My project poster presentation… Oya learn small… #SHR #FemaleAdvocate

 

On a final note; I was deserted, stretched, embittered, taken for granted, tried new things, learnt new things, went to new places, meet new people… I cried, went hungry, sick and almost severely depressed or manic… but God was epic in his compensations to me and he saw me through it all.

 

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I so love this picture! Happy New Year Guys…

 

So brethren, sit up, look straight, tidy your crown, hold up your glass… as we gallantly step into the New Year with grand style. Cheers! to the New Year people.

God bless you and the works of your hands.

 

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you must have seen this before… that was in Ghana… #smiles

 

 

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Birthday Selfie in front of 534… #KISSES

 

OLUWAKEMISOLA A. … I Luurrhhh y’all!!! happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!

Who are you to me…

Thinking of me with you (him)…
I have broken so many rules,
I have gone out my way not a few times
I have done things I’m not supposed to do.

Thinking of me without you;
I was just a lonely girl, an innocent sweet little creature,
Trying to find life, be happy and free.

me-and-you

Thinking of me being with you;
That brought out another part of me,
A part that I believe is strong enough and can resist anything.

Thinking of me after being with you
I don’t know what to feel;
Whether, hate, remorse, dread, regret, like or whatever
But certainly not love.

i-hate-you-but-i-love-you

Thinking of me and you in the outside world
We are just like strangers,
Who has never met or spoken
And still, we get on like it’s absolutely nothing.

Thinking of me seeing you again,
Makes my heart skip and my head spin
But the moment I see you
My heart race for a few seconds
And I become cold and calm like nothing happened.

broken_heart__on_sale__by_pixiecold-d67nq88

Thoughts of coming to see you again
Its like, am I mad?
Certainly not. I’m not. So I stay clear, off.
Even though somehow I think I’m enjoying the flirting idea.

Thoughts of you getting angry with me
Though it disturbs my spirit,
But I still can live with it.
Than having to live with regrets
Like me beating myself day after day.

Thoughts of not speaking to you.
Well, if you don’t talk to me
I will speak to you
Can’t just forget my baby sweetheart,
Cause most things were first times with you (him)

flower

Thoughts of the whole scenario in my head,
I decide to spit it out.
But to who?…
To my friends, my babies and somehow,
They weigh more than they do.
And the more I let it out, the more I become lighter…

So now with all these thoughts,
What are you to me?
What am I to you?
And what are we in conclusion?
#confused.

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Oluwakemisola ’14

Don’t we all…?

I want food… Don’t we all
I crave for chocolate… Don’t we all
I hate school… Don’t we all
I want a new supervisor… Don’t we all
I want to graduate fast… Don’t we all
I want a surprise… Don’t we all

I need money… Don’t we all
I need a bae… Don’t we all
I love my boyfriend… Don’t we all
I miss my Ex… Don’t we all
I want my man… Don’t we all
Stop judging… Don’t we all
Keep starring… Don’t we all

Well, I might use a friend with benefit… Don’t we all
I don’t even know what you are talking about…
This would be the last… Don’t we all

I wish I could bomb Glo… Don’t we all
I wish I could fly… Don’t we all
I wish I had a Ferrari… Don’t we all

I wish life was never a pot of beans… Don’t we all
I wish I was always a winner… Don’t we all

I need a hug… Don’t we all
I need a kiss… Don’t we all
I miss his body and face… Don’t we all

I need to read… Don’t we all
I have exams… Don’t we all

Always on the go… Don’t we all
I love the roads… Don’t we all
I see the trees… Don’t we all
I watch the sky… Don’t we all
I hear the birds… Don’t we all
I love life… Don’t we all

I need love… Don’t we all
I feel like crying… Don’t we all
I want to scream… Don’t we all
I want to let go… Don’t we all
I am holding on… Don’t we all

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Don’t we all want something…

I wish life was more than vanity… Don’t we all
I can feel the wind… Don’t we all
I smell the rain… Don’t we all
I hear the beats… Don’t we all

I wish I could be seen for me… Don’t we all
I feel like I’m choking… Don’t we all
I want to scream… Don’t we all
I wish I could be heard… Don’t we all

I feel like soaking away in a hot bath tub… Don’t we all
I want home… Don’t we all
I want calm… Don’t we all
I want peace… Don’t we all

I refuse to crash… Don’t we all
I refuse to drown… Don’t we all
I refuse to be depressed… Don’t we all
I refuse to be frustrated… Don’t we all

I want to keep forging forward… Don’t we all
I always want to smile… Don’t we all
I refuse to regress… Don’t we all
I refuse to be stagnant… Don’t we all

I want to be pulled up… Don’t we all

I’ve had a long day… Don’t we all
I need rest… Don’t we allblow_kiss

Everybody’s thoughts, everybody’s wants, everybody’s needs…

16-05-16
23:58 – Sheilas day… happy birthday girl.
OLUWAKEMISOLA A.

VALENTINE SERIES: My love, lust story

This time last year I was so in love with a guy, I thought I would never get over him and nothing would ever come in between us, but little did I know…IMG-20160214-WA0005

My name is Mirabel I’m in my early 20s, and this is a short story of the past 3 years of my life in “love” or maybe in “lust”.

I was born and brought up in the way of the Lord, thank God for my parents; I knew what was right and what was not.IMG_20160214_120426

I met this guy at a point in my life when I was lonely and felt I needed someone or something to fill up this particular hole in me. I was desperately in search of love; I became so naïve…

He came in like my knight in shining armour. It started as friendship; plain, harmless friendship but with time grew into something bigger, a relationship or situationship…

Initially, I knew who I was so… I had never indulged in something like dating before, for heaven’s sake I was a Sunday school teacher. How on earth would it be heard that I, a teacher in church had a boyfriend?! But in my mind I consoled myself, told myself I was old and matured enough to dabble into it.

As I prayed to my God, my first ever and genuine lover, I found my heart trailing away to the thoughts of my earthly lover, he was embedded in all of me, I was beginning to lose track. Although, he knew my spiritual stand, but it still didn’t stop at the limits.

Aiming at not totally forgetting who I was, remaining a child of God in this relationship I found myself in… I tried combining “him” with my God. Serving man and God, that was when I knew I had finally taken the wrong turn.

Then the compromise started. From holding for too long, to a little hug, then a tiny kiss… and at every point and stop, I kept shunning the voice telling me, “Mirabel, should you be doing this?”. I felt I was in love.

He also loved me; at least he could do anything for me. He gave me all I needed and ever wanted. And He always said “I love u”, which when I say the same, something kept on asking, “Do you really love him or all the attention and extras that comes with him?”… to be honest, the gifts were expensive, the outing amazing and the sex… out of this world. Well, yes the sex… wondering how?IMG-20160214-WA0006

The first day, I got up from his bed naked… I had zeroed my mind. I felt so ashamed I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror. And that faint voice kept on asking me, “is this what you teach in church?” But because I was almost too familiar with GOD and his word, and I thought I was smart enough to walk my way through and around it… I silenced my conscience and justified myself.

Before I knew what was going on, the first time of taking fire in my bosom lead to many other times, even though I knew it was wrong, and each time I did it I felt more worthless; I couldn’t get myself to stop or leave and I couldn’t ask for help because I was enjoying the goodies attached to itIMG_20160130_080712

Or maybe too shameful to expose my deeds and seek for guidance and counselling, thinking, “what would they think of me?” wont they think I am a sinner? Wont they stop me from teaching in church? How would I look at them and they at me? Won’t I become a gist and a topic of discussion in church? Do I necessarily need to see my pastor for this? Shouldn’t I be able to handle it and talk to my God about it? Won’t they poke their nose in my business? … On and on I kept moving forward my deliverance.

I told myself, “I love him”, that is all that matters. And since there were  plans of us getting married anyways, why not go all the way, well I would eventually still sleep with him . Yes, he promised me marriage…

So without thinking about “what God will say or what GOD thinks about this?”… And anytime it does cross my mind while with him alone in his apartment, I ignore it and continue to sip from my cup of wine. #sigh

This continued for 2 years, I lost touch with God. Although the attention from my lover was there, the money was available, the material things also and the sex good… it did not and never still filled up the space of loneliness in my heart. On the long run, it was more like diverting my energy to a wrong project. I gave my heart, love, time and body. But what was my gain? Nothing! Just ephemeral things; all vanity.

As I had thought that we were inseparable and marriage was the goal (why I threw away my virginity and dignity) life happened and we went our separate ways. Funny isn’t it? ‘Cause at a point, I loved him like the world wouldn’t exist without him and shoved aside the God of love himself.IMG-20160214-WA0004

The break up was hurtful, and then I started opening up and talking to spiritual mothers and sisters which really helped a long way. I rebuilt my relationship with my lost first love. And ever-loving, ever friendly father he took me with his two hands and now I am totally free.

No matter the way you have gone either my way or some other way you think is worse or even reasonable… it wouldn’t make what is wrong right or right the wrong.  It’s never too late to stop, think and find your way back to love, the real love that gave all for you and for me.

If like me, you are so deep and rooted in lust for one reason or the other and you think you can never get over it, speak to someone (not just anybody though) about it sincerely and you would be surprised the wonders the Lord can do through that person.

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Best love story ever..

Happy valentine’s day  lovers  :*… remember, the God of love tarries forever.

I luurrh y’all!!!

Oluwakemisola