Category Archives: Happiness

WHEN I STARTED TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY “EVERY” ACTIONS…

​I will never forget and forever remain grateful for that fateful day in the year 2015, when I walked into Tunde’s clinic for the first time. And after several sessions with him, I realised that I had lived my whole life making certain mistakes.

I had made it part of me – my entire life – to blame situations or people for certain actions and thoughts of mine. Although it was a bit challenging but after several sessions; I came to a realisation, made decisions and ultimately took actions. I realised that, I could either continue to “brood about how unhappy my childhood was”, “about peoples actions towards me” or “certain unpleasant situations in my life” and allow all of that result in negative feelings of sadness, bitterness and anger which ultimately results into “certain wrong or irrational actions I took” or “I could start taking charge of my own actions and thoughts, controlling them, becoming the architect of my own life”. Hence, taking full responsibility for my actions. 

Over time, I’ve watched a lot of people make similar mistakes and it has become a thing of great concern to me; as I’ve watched people not live their lifes to the maximum potential due to these mistakes. 

Below are 5 of the common mistakes I’ve seen and heard people make:

1. The reason for my behaviour today and bitterness is because I had an unhappy/abusive/difficult childhood.

No doubts, early childhood environment and psychosocial development contribute a vital portion of an individual’s life, but at a certain point in your adult life; you need to stand up for your – own – self. Only “you” can do that, you owe it to yourself. You have to decide to be happy and take full responsibility for your actions and thoughts. Rather than using this reason as an excuse to be sad, bitter, angry, irritable and ultimately carrying out irrational, violent or wrong actions. The decision starts first with you. 

You can choose to be happy, get help, seek and learn from others who survived through similar challenges and inform yourself. All these can be challenging and not so easy, trust me I know, but they are crucial to healing, self-growth and development in order to live a life of full potential.

2. Please people, there are no such things as; “I don’t know what came over me” or “this was the work of the devil” or “I raped him/her because him/her tempted me or got naked in front of me” or “I killed/was violent to him/her because they annoyed me”…

All these are never excuses or reasons, they shouldn’t even be heard of at all because you ultimately performed that wrong action. There was always the option of “walking away from annoying, painful or tempting situations” or “deciding to just not do it”. But, it all comes down to the fact that; you thought about doing it in your head first, secondly you didn’t discard it, and then you made the final decision and eventually performed that wrong action. Never blame people for your actions!!!

3. I can’t love or trust again because someone broke my heart.

My dear, you are going to miss out on a whole lot in life and may not live life to the fullest if you continue with this notion. You do not have to allow the person that broke your heart continue to influence your present thoughts, decisions and actions, long after they’ve left you. Trust me, they aren’t worth it! It’s a choice you need to make now – by yourself – to grieve, let them go, move past them, pick up yourself, be happy, hope for the best in your subsequent relationships and love again. I personally do not believe in the “he/she broke my heart” line. I like to see it as “I let him/her break my heart” because I believe it’s “ultimately my decision” to be sad or unhappy despite whatever  someone has done to me and it’s my duty to take care of myself.

4. I showered him/her with gifts/money/time/commitment/my all and they just used me only for what I had to offer them.

No doubts, this can be a really unpleasant experience when we think about it. After given a lot to someone or a course, only to realise we were actually been deceived, used or manipulated but at the end of the day it is better we take responsibility and not blame them for whatever we are going through. Not disputing the fact that you may have been used but it also doesn’t change the fact that, “you are the one that eventually made the decision and action to give all these things willingly”. Think in the direction of; you will be smarter, more vigilant, well informed and be able to watch out for deception in your subsequent relationships and hence, will make better and well informed decisions and actions.

5. Ignorance 

Some people claim “ignorance” is the reason they involve in or carry out certain actions. Either “genuine ignorance” or “false ignorance” is never enough reason to carry out any wrong act. At some point in your adult life, you need to take charge of your life and actions, educate yourself, read books, be informed, ask questions, go to seminars & conferences, go out of your way to learn new things and be determined to do the right thing. The fact that you did not know something was wrong before doing it doesn’t make it excusable. 

In conclusion, have a positive attitude to life; no person or situation is ever a reason to influence your thoughts or actions negatively. It is best to learn to take responsibility for your own actions and thoughts as this makes you – more – in control of your life, to live life the way you want it and not just be as chaff that goes in any direction – people or situations blow them to go.
Be the architect of your own life! 

Don’t let yourself be the victim to people or circumstances!  

Remember only you can take care of yourself! 

Make decisions and take actions that profit you, make you happy and lead to self growth & development. Only then will you live life to the fullest, achieve your goals and attain your maximum potential in life.
-BAMIDO BOROWA, 2017

Photo credit, Google.

This Fleeting World

This fleeting world
…It’s eluding me
I say life is just a pot of beans
But more than a steaming pot of hot beans
It’s like a beautiful lady
And beauty is fading
Fading away in vanity
All is vanity, vanity upon vanity.

true-remorse-mignon-mclaughlin

This remorseful life (full of regrets)
Living at the edge of it
I could tilt over anytime from now
But being held back by the string of hope
Hope of the morrow
Hope of forever
Hope of immortality
…Eternal hope.

sober-life

This sober life
Sad in all its shades
Deep In all its form
But not to wallow in it.
Life is life
But glints of Light spark it up
Life oh life

Oluwakemisola ’16.

The Beginning of a new-perfect 366 days

Today marks the end of another 365 days in my life. First of all, I want to bless the Lord for the gift of life, good health and sanity – Trust me, it’s all by grace.

Reminiscing over what has happened this last year of my life, I realised I have grown in all ramifications. I have learnt to and actually unlook, unhear (Ecc. 7v21), even unsee a whole lot of things. I have learnt to and endeavoured to make a positive impact wherever I find myself, regardless. Although silence is golden but I have also learnt to speak up and speak out for what I want.

I have learnt a whole lot about friends, colleagues and family and have come to realize that only one is your true friend and comforter. Also to the most important I have learnt, well always known that, choice is the greatest power given to man and I have made a whole lot of different choices, even inconvenient ones that I have learnt to live with its consequences and outcomes.

And before I forget, thanks to all those who contributed to my life this year, I would have loved to mention names but the list is endless, either ways permit me to mention Olujide, for he was a part of my life. Thanks to all who aided, supported and encouraged me; physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially, professionally, academically and morally.

As y’all have sown into my life, consciously and unconsciously, May the good Lord sow into yours too. Finally, special thanks to my Mother and Father, who let me soar high and fly away, believing me and trusting me to come back home to rest; which I will eventually do.IMG_20160209_103236

#smiles join me in this perfect beginning journey…

Oluwakemisola A. , 6th of August, 2016.

 

Life is Short

“Life is short”.

I know this statement or saying is so cliché that it has lost its effect but I want you to say it – slowly and meaningful…

Life. Is. Short. Really.

“Life is tooo short to be sad, worried or anxious half or even as small as one percent of the time”…

Life is too short and long at the same time – irony and paradox of life – to be “managing life”.

Some days back, I became a year older (I am not so old, infact, I am just 12 years old) and am I happy? Well, mixed feelings.56bf52cb399aa1bae3b6500680422060

I got friends turn sisters, brothers and uncles, roommates turn family and the real bae family around but that didn’t change the feelings and thoughts I had deep down inside.

I got older and had a “sober reflection”, like I love to call it; “sisters” that have gotten married, friends that got new assets, properties and so on and here I am, single, losing weight and sitting on my 6-man-battalion-barracks-hostel-room-bed-space almost penniless and without even a decent phone. Lol. Funny, isn’t it?

#sighs #deepbreath.

Well, but in all of these, I am happy and free (I remember that song that was and still is my favourite…), I am grateful and thankful for the gift of life (like a lover advised me to…), I am thankful to the epic Jehovah – who is seeing me through – for the gift of positioning, “good health” and sanity.

And with time I have come to realise that happiness and joy is internal, and should never be attached to anything external ‘cause honey, they will fail you – woefully.

So, I have decided, not to let anything external take away my inner peace, happiness and joy, I have decided to let life take its course while I row happily with it and I have decided to let the Almighty take the wheels not letting other peoples’ time or life or story rob me of mine.

Reason for this decision; life is short, terribly and amazingly short… so short that it shrivels out in a twinkle of an eye and yet sooo long that it takes years to get to the end of it (that’s if you are privileged or lucky to last that long though, no harm intended, just plain truthful…).Live-now-1024x1024

So final advice; live now, be happy, smile a lot, laugh out loud, enjoy yourself, go out, meet people, have fun, travel to someplace new, dance now and then, jog once in a while, be positively remorseful not regretful, love the Lord, don’t let “people” decide for you ‘cause “you” own your life and would be held solely responsible and accountable for it, make impact and touch peoples life… let them remember and miss you when you are gone (which one day you would be)… and always remember  and have it at the back of your mind that “life is short and eternity is forever”…

And below is the link to my original birthday message…

https://kemisolaagoyi1.wordpress.com/2016/08/28/the-beginning-of-a-new-perfect-366-days/

Love y’all

Oluwakemisola A. , 10th of August, 2016.